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Many people think that nowadays people are being subjected to more and more pressure in their work, and thus are having less and less time to relax. What is your opinion? v.1

Many people think that nowadays people are being subjected to more and more pressure in their work, and thus are having less and less time to relax. What is your opinion? v. 1
In modern society, especially in big cities, undoubtedly hard work has become a very important feature of ordinary people’s everyday life. It seems that many people are under the impression that their work is becoming more pressing and urgent, and thus they sacrifice more and more leisure time. In the first place, with the rapid development of science and technology, work today is more demanding than it used to be. For example, college graduates nowadays have to master English, computer science and driving skills before they can find decent jobs. People have to spend more time acquiring new techniques and skills. And their spare time tends to be fully occupied, not with leisure pursuit, but with work-related pursuits. In the second place, competition is becoming more intense. Many people feel anxious that they may be “laid-off” if they can’t work as hard as others. And they also feel at a disadvantage before new graduates. Therefore, it is understandable that people keep themselves involved in intensely hard work in order to preserve their positions. In my opinion, the worst aspect of this phenomenon is that the huge pressure of work will gradually affect people’s mental health. Excessively hard work means that people can never get rid of the fatigue of their work, even in their leisure time. This means that they can not enjoy a normal life. In a word, in modern society overwork is stealing our leisure time. however, I believe this problem will be settled eventually with the development of science and technology.
In modern society,
especially
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
cities,
undoubtedly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
has become a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
feature of ordinary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
everyday life. It seems that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are under the impression that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
is becoming more pressing and urgent, and
thus
they sacrifice more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
time.

In the
first
place, with the rapid development of science and technology,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
is more demanding than it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to be.
For example
, college graduates nowadays
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
master English, computer science and driving
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
they can find decent jobs.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
spend more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
acquiring new techniques and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. And their spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
tends to be
fully
occupied, not with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
pursuit,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
with work-related pursuits.

In the second place, competition is becoming more intense.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel anxious that they may be “laid-off” if they can’t
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
as others. And they
also
feel at a disadvantage
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
new graduates.
Therefore
, it is understandable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
themselves involved in
intensely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in order to preserve their positions.

In my opinion, the worst aspect of this phenomenon is that the huge pressure of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
will
gradually
affect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
mental health.
Excessively
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
means that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rid of the fatigue of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, even in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. This means that they can not enjoy a normal life. In a word, in modern society overwork is stealing our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
however
, I believe this problem will
be settled
eventually
with the development of science and technology.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people think that nowadays people are being subjected to more and more pressure in their work, and thus are having less and less time to relax. What is your opinion? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
254 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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