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Many people think that money is the best gift to give a teenager, but others disagree. Discuss both views and give your own opinion including relevant examples. v.5

Many people think that money is the best gift to give a teenager, but others disagree. v. 5
With the rise in consumerism, it is highly debatable whether money can be given to children or not. Although money can be given as a gift can lead to child personality into money minded and to be devoid of values and relationships, I believe that it is a parental responsibility to teach the millennials about financial management. Money given as gift will considerably increase the greed of a child and devoid them of relationships and money. When we are allowing children to indulge by our action of giving gift. It may trigger the child into fantasy of money world. This is how adolescents will begin to look at relationships and values in terms of money. For example: In 2018, survey conducted by the Indian royal society has established the studies based on metro cities that parents pamper their child by gifts and this leads to very unhealthy outlook among them. Despite the above, handling the money as a gift could teach the teenager a very important component called financial management. It will enable them to handle various economical matters. If children are well-tutored about how to save the money and utilize it effectively, this will assist in making important decisions related to expenses and money saving in later years of adolescent. Furthermore, when they will rise to professional position in a company, by that time, he will be apt in handling the company financially. This is how having the money in a childhood can go a long way in accomplishing the personal as well as financial goals in the lives of a children. For example, Recently study conducted in the “ Indian School of Economics” have collaborated that financial management is an integral component which needs to be taught since childhood. Eventhough money robs the children of the necessary values, parents must play a important role in teaching their children about the economics and finance which can enable them to handle the money in effective manner.
With the rise in consumerism, it is
highly
debatable whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
or not. Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gift
can lead to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
personality into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
minded and to be devoid of values and relationships, I believe that it is a parental responsibility to teach the millennials about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
management.

Money
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gift
will
considerably
increase the greed of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
and devoid them of relationships and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
“When” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
When
we are allowing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to indulge by our action of giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gift
. It may trigger the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
into fantasy of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
world. This is how adolescents will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
to look at relationships and values in terms of money.

For example
: In 2018, survey conducted by the Indian royal society has established the studies based on metro cities that parents pamper their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gifts
and this leads to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
unhealthy outlook among them.

Despite the above, handling the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gift
could teach the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
component called
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
management. It will enable them to handle various economical matters. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are well-tutored about how to save the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and utilize it
effectively
, this will assist in making
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
decisions related to expenses and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
saving in later years of adolescent.
Furthermore
, when they will rise to professional position in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
, by that time, he will be apt in handling the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
financially
. This is how having the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in a childhood can go a long way in accomplishing the personal
as well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
goals in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
For example
, Recently study conducted in the
Don't put a space on both sides of a quote symbol
“
Indian School of Economics” have collaborated that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
management is an integral component which needs to
be taught
since childhood.

Possible spelling mistake found.
Eventhough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
robs the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
of the necessary values, parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
play
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in teaching their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
about the economics and finance which can enable them to handle the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in effective manner.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay Many people think that money is the best gift to give a teenager, but others disagree. v. 5

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
326 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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