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Many people think that happiness relies on the responsibility of individuals, other think that is affected by other factors. Discuss both views and state your opinion by using examples from your personal experience. v.1

Many people think that happiness relies on the responsibility of individuals, other think that is affected by other factors. v. 1
While the majority of people believe that happiness depended on individual person's responsibility, others argue that it caused by several other factors. In my opinion, external factors play crucial role in making person happy. This essay will discuss both the viewpoints. Happiness is sole responsibility of an individuals by many people. This is because, Happiness depends on persons state of mind, emotions. Every person have ability to control one's emotions. Moreover, It is control by reading books, yoga and meditations. For example, doing yoga practice in early morning that give a fresh energy, making happy to us. Many institutions can guide how to take control of state of mind, yoga practicies, mediatation practicies and maintain good health with peaceful mind. Hapiness is plays vital role in individuals person's life and they will get satisfaction after doing this activities. On the other hand, such people consider external factors that are crucial for individual persons. That is to say Every person has expectations, dreams, good job. People often satisfied after achieving all this things and brings with achievement. Furthermore, research has proved that some time weather plays a vital rolerole to change the state of mind of an individual person and makes happy. For instance, according to research Pune city is one of the best city due to its pleasant weather. Every person feels satisfied after achieve and fulfil this things and that makes happy and satisfied. In conclusion, although many people think that happiness is not only depends on individual person's responsibility, it can be depends on person's expectations, dreams that will give satisfaction and making happy. Happiness plays vital role in individual person's life with several other factors.
While the majority of
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people
believe that
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happiness
depended on
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individual
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person's
responsibility, others argue that it caused by several
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other
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factors
. In my opinion, external
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factors
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play
crucial role in making
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person
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happy
. This essay will discuss both the viewpoints.

Happiness is sole responsibility of an
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individuals
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
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people
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
,
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Happiness
depends on
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persons
state of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mind
, emotions. Every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
have ability to control one's emotions.
Moreover
, It is control by reading books, yoga and meditations.
For example
, doing yoga practice in early morning that give a fresh energy, making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
to us.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
institutions can guide how to take control of state of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mind
, yoga
Possible spelling mistake found.
practicies
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
mediatation
Possible spelling mistake found.
practicies
and maintain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
health with peaceful
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mind
.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Hapiness
is
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plays
vital role in
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individuals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person's
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
life and
they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
satisfaction after doing
Did you mean "these"?
this
activities.

On the
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other
hand, such
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people
consider external
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factors
that are crucial for
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individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
persons
.
That is
to say Every
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person
has expectations, dreams,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
job.
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People
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
satisfied after achieving all
Did you mean "these"?
this
things and brings with achievement.
Furthermore
, research has proved that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
time weather
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plays
a vital
Possible spelling mistake found.
rolerole
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the state of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mind
of an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
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person
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
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happy
.
For instance
, according to research Pune city is one of the best city due to its pleasant weather. Every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
feels satisfied after achieve and fulfil
Did you mean "these"?
this
things and that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
and satisfied.

In conclusion
, although
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many
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people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
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happiness
is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
depends on
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individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person's
responsibility, it can be
Consider using the past participle "depended"?
depends
on
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person's
expectations, dreams that will give satisfaction and making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Happiness
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plays
vital role in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person's
life with several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
48Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people think that happiness relies on the responsibility of individuals, other think that is affected by other factors. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
278 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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