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Many people think happiness relies upon the responsibility of individuals, others think that is affected by other factors. Discuss both views and state your opinion by using examples from your personal experience. v.1

Many people think happiness relies upon the responsibility of individuals, others think that is affected by other factors. v. 1
It is arguable that the happiness depends on the person or it depends on the other factors. some believes it depends on the person. In my opinion, it is solely depends on that persons action not the other factors. On one hand person can state happiness relies on the person. As an example, a person can say eating his favourite food makes them happy or travelling to the places he love makes him feel happy. Moreover listening to a favourite song or achieving their life goals make them feel happiness and I believe it is true that doing what they like can effect their psychological state. In my personal experience, I like to play computer games and it makes me happy, so that it' s my actions caused me to be happy. On the other hand people will say that happiness not only depends on the individual but also other factors like surrounding environment. As an example, children likes to get gifts from their parents so that their parents are the second factor that makes them happy. Mostly elderly people likes to visit less crowded parks or greener forests because they love to be in a silent environment because of that silent environment or park becomes the other factor. But to full fill the second factor one must take action. In conclusion, its is hard to define how a person feel happy. In my opinion, I believe that the happiness is not depends on the other factors but the individuals actions because at the end it is that individuals action cause him to be happy.
It is arguable that the
happiness
depends on the
person
or it depends on the
other
factors
.
some
believes it depends on the
person
. In my opinion, it is
solely
depends on that
persons
action
not the
other
factors.

On one hand
person
can state
happiness
relies on the
person
. As an example, a
person
can say eating his
favourite
food
makes
them
happy
or travelling to the places he
love
makes
him feel
happy
.
Moreover
listening to a
favourite
song or achieving their life goals
make
them feel
happiness
and I believe it is true that doing what they
like
can effect their psychological state. In my personal experience, I
like
to play computer games and it
makes
me
happy
,
so
that
it&
#039; s my actions caused me to be happy.

On the
other
hand
people
will say that
happiness
not
only
depends on the individual
but
also
other
factors
like
surrounding environment. As an example, children
likes
to
get
gifts from their parents
so
that their parents are the second
factor
that
makes
them
happy
.
Mostly
elderly
people
likes
to visit less crowded parks or greener forests
because
they
love
to be in a silent environment
because
of that silent environment or park becomes the
other
factor
.
But
to full fill the second
factor
one
must
take action.

In conclusion
, its is
hard
to define how a
person
feel
happy
. In my opinion, I believe that the
happiness
is not depends on the
other
factors
but
the individuals actions
because
at the
end
it is that individuals
action
cause him to be
happy
.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
42Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people think happiness relies upon the responsibility of individuals, others think that is affected by other factors. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
265 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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