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Some people think that young people should go to university to further their education while others think they should be encouraged to work as car mechanics or builders etc. to serve society. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.1

Some people think that young people should go to university to further their education while others think they should be encouraged to work as car mechanics or builders etc. to serve society. v. 1
In this ever changing humanity, the demand for the teenagers serve the country is increasing, some individuals argues that young people should acquire a college degree while others think that they should be motivated to work in as automobile mechanics or builder etc. To help the public. The writer will discuss both views and an opinion will be added to the later. To start with, the young people are much eager to study continually after graduating high school, due to the fact that their minds are fresh from the high school education. Teenagers, loves to be with their friends in the same year of education and sometimes it's much more beneficial to learn by having trusted peers on the side. In addition, the earlier to finish college the better chance to have job and serve more better the nation professionally and much more efficient than just the mean jobs. Just like the CEO of the Facebook who manage to build the company out of his thesis project. However, others think that young teens should support the community at an early stage by working as a truck mechanic or manual labour on a construction site. Channeling their fountain of energy in this age is in good use, in exchange of video games and social media site wastage of time teenagers will be productive by helping the civilization in participating in manual task in the motor garage or construction site, ergo, win-win situation. In addition, they will have the time to think of what they will pursue in college, just like having a ‘gap year’. Although, few people think that teenagers must be encouraged to work as a car mechanic or a construction worker in order to serve the humanity, I find It illogical because there are already present labourers around with much more experience thus making the project efficiently and not be wasted by the un-experienced teens. In conclusion, with all the views discussed, I strongly agree that teenagers must go to for university after secondary education immediately due to the support they have and also in the long run they can serve the society effectively as a professional worker and not just the repetitive works of the manual labourer.
In this
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
ever changing
humanity, the demand for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
serve
the country is increasing,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals argues that young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should acquire a college degree while others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that they should
be motivated
to work in as automobile mechanics or builder etc. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the public. The writer will discuss both views and an opinion will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
to the
Did you mean "latter" (=the second of two items)?
later
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with, the young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
eager to study
continually
after
The verb 'to graduate' requires the preposition 'from': "graduating from".
graduating
high school, due to the fact that their minds are fresh from the high school education.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Teenagers
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loves
to be with their friends in the same year of education and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
it's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
more beneficial to learn by having trusted peers on the side.
In addition
, the earlier to finish college the better chance to have job and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
serve
Use only "better" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more better
the nation
professionally
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
more efficient than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
the mean jobs.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Just
like the CEO of the Facebook who manage to build the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
out of his thesis project.

However
, others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that young teens should support the community at an early stage by working as a truck mechanic or manual
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
on a construction site. Channeling their fountain of energy in this age is in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
,
The usual prepositions to use after "in exchange" is "for" not "of". Did you mean "in exchange for"?
in exchange of
video games and social media site wastage of time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
will be productive by helping the civilization
Adverb repetition. Please, verify.
in participating in
manual task in the motor garage or construction site, ergo, win-win situation.
In addition
, they will have the time to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
of what they will pursue in college,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
like having a ‘gap year’.

Although, few
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be encouraged
to work as a car mechanic or a construction worker in order to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
serve
the humanity, I find It illogical
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there are already present
Possible spelling mistake found.
labourers
around with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
more experience
thus
making the project
efficiently
and not
be wasted
by the
Possible spelling mistake found.
un-experienced
teens.

In conclusion
, with all the views discussed, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
go to for university after secondary education immediately due to the support they have and
also
in the long run they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
serve
the society
effectively
as a professional worker and not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
the repetitive works of the manual
Possible spelling mistake found.
labourer
.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that young people should go to university to further their education while others think they should be encouraged to work as car mechanics or builders etc. to serve society. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
369 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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