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Many People Think That Happiness Relies On The Responsibility Of Individuals Others Think It Is Affected By Other Factors v.1

Many People Think That Happiness Relies On The Responsibility Of Individuals Others Think It Is Affected By Other Factors v. 1
In this contemporary world, jubilance plays a vital role in an individual's life despite hard-work and sacrifice. However, happiness can be measured vividly and some people think it relies upon self-responsibility, while others think the perception of happiness can be affected by external factors. Indeed, I believe that a significant piece of jubilation depends on outside factors and both viewpoints are elaborated as follows. To begin with, although bliss can be identified as a state of mind, person nowadays follows their relaxing activities such as spending time on the beach, listening to favourite music, meditation etc. In addition to that, achieving a new skill or ambition also imparts happiness in one's life. Moreover, several books on religion demonstrate the state of mind or preach crucial values that indirectly affect the human mind. For instance, the renowned book "The God Gifts" teaches the state of satisfaction and methods for the same. Hence, the individual believes in their remunerative actions that make them happy. Conversely, according to certain people, ecstasy bestows by other predominant factors. To cite an example, prominent future milestones, dreaming spending time with family or buying a house etc. A significant "Times" newspaper demonstrates an article, how weather can affect a person's joy. It depicts the surpassing weather condition of Ontario, Canada that individual enjoys constantly. Furthermore, a person's happiness relies on emotion and a positive spirit. For perfect paragon, if a person achieves his work target simultaneous with career advancement, the magnitude of happiness soaring undoubtedly. To recapitulate, although it is a computable fact that happiness relies on individual responsibility, it is also an undeniable fact that extraneous factors are pivotal.
In this contemporary world,
jubilance
plays a vital role in an individual's life despite
hard
-work and sacrifice.
However
,
happiness
can
be measured
vividly
and
some
people
think
it relies upon self-responsibility, while others
think
the perception of
happiness
can be
affected
by external
factors
.
Indeed
, I believe that a significant piece of jubilation depends on outside
factors
and both viewpoints
are elaborated
as follows.

To
begin
with, although bliss can
be identified
as a state of mind, person nowadays follows their relaxing activities such as spending time on the beach, listening to
favourite
music, meditation etc.
In addition
to that, achieving a new
skill
or ambition
also
imparts
happiness
in one's life.
Moreover
, several books on religion demonstrate the state of mind or preach crucial values that
indirectly
affect the human mind.
For instance
, the renowned book
"
The God Gifts
"
teaches the state of satisfaction and methods for the same.
Hence
, the individual believes in their remunerative actions that
make
them happy.

Conversely
, according to certain
people
, ecstasy bestows by other predominant
factors
. To cite an example, prominent future milestones, dreaming spending time with family or buying a
house
etc. A significant
"
Times
"
newspaper demonstrates an article, how weather can affect a person's joy. It depicts the surpassing weather condition of Ontario, Canada that individual enjoys
constantly
.
Furthermore
, a person's
happiness
relies on emotion and a
positive
spirit. For perfect paragon, if a person achieves his work target simultaneous with career advancement, the magnitude of
happiness
soaring
undoubtedly
.

To recapitulate, although it is a computable fact that
happiness
relies on individual responsibility, it is
also
an undeniable fact that extraneous
factors
are pivotal.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay Many People Think That Happiness Relies On The Responsibility Of Individuals Others Think It Is Affected By Other Factors v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
273 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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