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Many people think that every individual is responsible for their own healthy lifestyle others believe that governments should take care of it Discuss both views and give your own opinion v.2

Many people think that every individual is responsible for their own healthy lifestyle others believe that governments should take care of it 2
In this era, it is very obvious that health is a big concerning issue for development of a country. Some people think that healthy life style is a personal choice. on the other hand some people suggest that it should be a concern at government level and state should take responsibility of this issue. This essay will elaborate both aspects of this issue with some examples. firstly, some people assume that adopting healthy life style should be a personal effort. For example for healthy body weight watching is an important factor. people should watch what they are eating and how they are maintaining their weight. Similarly people who are smoking should know smoking is bad for health. so they should quit smoking. so it is expected from some people that adopting health living style is everyone, s own responsibility. On the other hand, some people think that Government should be helping to maintain better lifestyle. For example, for healthy eating there should be proper labels indicating caloric values on eatable items. this way everybody knows what they are eating. similarly government should aware people about bad effects of smoking. Social media should help to aware people about smoking hazards for body. Government should facilitate people for cheap access to gym. Most important is to educate about healthy lifestyle. so it is mostly states responsibilty to take care of healthy living style. In my opinion both views are important for healthy population. it is very crucial that people should understand importance of healthy living. at the same time government should help people to access these facilities.
In this era, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
obvious that health is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
concerning issue for development of a country.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
life style is a personal choice.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
on
the other hand
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
suggest that it should be a concern at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
level and state should take responsibility of this issue. This essay will elaborate both aspects of this issue with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
examples.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
firstly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
assume that adopting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
life style should be a personal effort.
For example
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
body weight watching is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
factor.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
people
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
what they are eating and how they are maintaining their weight.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Similarly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
should know
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
for health.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
so
they should quit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
so
it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that adopting health living style is everyone, s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
responsibility.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
should be helping to maintain better lifestyle.
For example
, for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
eating there should be proper labels indicating caloric values on eatable items.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
this
way everybody knows what they are eating.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
similarly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should aware
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
about
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
effects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
. Social media should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to aware
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
hazards for body.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
should facilitate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
access to gym. Most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
is to educate about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
lifestyle.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
so
it is
mostly
states
Possible spelling mistake found.
responsibilty
to take care of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
living style.

In my opinion both views are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
population.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
it
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
crucial that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should understand importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
living.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
at
the same time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to access these facilities.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
12Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people think that every individual is responsible for their own healthy lifestyle others believe that governments should take care of it 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
265 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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