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Many people think that every individual is responsible for their own healthy lifestyle. Others believe that governments should take care of it. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.1

Many people think that every individual is responsible for their own healthy lifestyle. Others believe that governments should take care of it. v. 1
In the salad days of the millennium, the society is polarised into two groups almost equally regarding the notion that who should be responsible for its promotion and enforcement. Different people have their distinct mind set. Although some believe that the government should shoulder this responsibility, others, myself included, think it should be every individual’s duty. The following paragraph would shed light on both the approaches before making a final note. To commence with, the People themselves benefit primarily in their personal lives from eating healthily and taking more exercise. It allows them to remain healthy, avoid different illnesses like heart disease and arthritis, and enjoy increased longevity. Living healthily also allows them to be more active in the society and at work because they are more likely to feel energised and refreshed throughout the day. Consequently, they can focus more on their social and professional efforts, which could significantly increase their social and work status. For example a recent study reveals that people who are having a good life style are more successful than the Others who are not. Therefore, it seems logical to hold every individual responsible for adopting a healthy habit. Some argue that governments should enforce a healthy lifestyle because they have the means to raise awareness through the educational system and introduce relevant regulations obliging their citizens to make the necessary changes in their way of life. However, most adults tend to change and adjust their lifestyle according to their experiences and desires after leaving school, forgetting most, if not all, of what they have been taught. Furthermore, it would be unwise for authorities to meddle in people’s private lives and have them conform to any regulation that affect their personal lives. For instance, A recent initiative by "Perdue" in the adjacent village proved more helpful and even they are planning to widespread this idea. In conclusion, being healthy is far more important than the other little things and perhaps it leads a person socially and mentally. So, I believe that individuals ought to bear the responsibility of following and promoting a healthy way of life since they can enjoy the benefits in their personal, social and work lives.
In the salad days of the millennium, the society is
Possible spelling mistake. 'polarised' is British English.
polarised
into two groups almost
equally
regarding the notion that who should be responsible for its promotion and enforcement.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have their distinct mind set. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
believe that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should shoulder this responsibility, others, myself included,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it should be every individual’s duty. The following paragraph would shed light on both the approaches
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
making a final note.

To commence with, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
themselves benefit
primarily
in their personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
from eating
healthily
and taking more exercise. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
them to remain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
, avoid
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
illnesses like heart disease and arthritis, and enjoy increased longevity. Living
healthily
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
them to be more active in the society and at work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are more likely to feel
Possible spelling mistake. 'energised' is British English.
energised
and refreshed throughout the day.
Consequently
, they can focus more on their social and professional efforts, which could
significantly
increase their social and work status.
For example
a recent study reveals that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are having a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
life style are more successful than the Others who are not.
Therefore
, it seems logical to hold every individual responsible for adopting a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
habit.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
argue that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should enforce a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
lifestyle
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have the means to raise awareness through the educational system and introduce relevant regulations obliging their citizens to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the necessary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in their way of life.
However
, most adults tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
and adjust their lifestyle according to their experiences and desires after leaving school, forgetting most, if not all, of what they have
been taught
.
Furthermore
, it would be unwise for authorities to meddle in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
and have them conform to any regulation that affect their personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
.
For instance
, A recent initiative by
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
Possible spelling mistake found.
Perdue
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
in the adjacent village proved more helpful and even they are planning to widespread this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
.

In conclusion
, being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
is far more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than the other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
things and perhaps it leads a person
socially
and mentally.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, I believe that individuals ought to bear the responsibility of following and promoting a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
way of life since they can enjoy the benefits in their personal, social and work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people think that every individual is responsible for their own healthy lifestyle. Others believe that governments should take care of it. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
364 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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