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Sometimes people think that young people should be encouraged to leave their family at certain age, while others think that it is better for them to remain with their families. What is your view? v.2

Sometimes people think that young people should be encouraged to leave their family at certain age, while others think that it is better for them to remain with their families. What is your view? v. 2
Some people think that adults should leave their home at some age for the growth, while others, believes that they live with their parents provides them guidance and monitor them. In my opinion, I support the former view that makes a person independent and able to make a life decision. To begin with, one of the important points is that a person can start to leave alone at a certain age, which makes the person independent as not depend on someone and handle any situation of their life. In addition to that, this will helps them to increase their confidence and responsibilities. For example, if one should live alone at home in the night, then creates a habit to check that all doors were locked and courage to live alone developed. Moreover, one should able to make decisions about their life. This will help someone to make decisions about their career as they able to achieve their life goals. At last, a person can achieve the skills, such as confidence and decision ability help in the later part of life. On the other hand, others believe that the younger should live with their parents, so they can guide them use the experience of their parents and steps as per their guidelines. Most of the adults would be pressed by their peer member easily, so at that time if some elder is there with them to monitor than situation is handled properly otherwise it may be possible that person fall in the trouble. For instance, the younger one who lives alone in hostels start to do worse activities because of peer pressure, such as smoking, drinking. At last, living with parents one can get guidance and support of family to deal with the problems. In conclusion, the essay discussed benefits one should leave alone include independent and improve decision ability while others say that it would be better to leave the parents, which provides them guidance and monitor them.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that adults should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leave
their home at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
age for the growth, while others, believes that they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
provides them guidance and monitor them. In my opinion, I support the former view that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
independent and able to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
decision.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, one of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
points is that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leave
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alone
at a certain age, which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
independent as not depend on someone and handle any situation of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
In addition
to that, this will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to increase their confidence and responsibilities.
For example
, if one should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alone
at home in the night, then creates a habit to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
that all doors
were locked
and courage to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alone
developed.
Moreover
, one
Did you mean "should be able"?
should able
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. This will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
someone to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
about their career as
Did you mean "they are" or "they were"?
they
able to achieve their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
goals. At last, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
can achieve the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, such as confidence and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
ability
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in the later part of life.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, others believe that the younger should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can guide them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the experience of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and steps as per their guidelines. Most of the adults would
be pressed
by their peer member
easily
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
at that time if
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
elder is there with them to monitor than situation
is handled
properly
otherwise
it may be possible that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
fall in the trouble.
For instance
, the younger one who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alone
in hostels
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to do worse activities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of peer pressure, such as smoking, drinking. At last, living with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
one can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
guidance and support of family to deal with the problems.

In conclusion
, the essay discussed benefits one should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leave
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alone
include independent and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
ability while others say that it would be better to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leave
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, which provides them guidance and monitor them.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay Sometimes people think that young people should be encouraged to leave their family at certain age, while others think that it is better for them to remain with their families. What is your view? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
328 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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