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Many people think that companies or private institutions should take the responsibility of cleaning the waste in the environment, not the government. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Many people think that companies or private institutions should take the responsibility of cleaning the waste in the environment, not the government. v. 1
We are living in an unsustainable world, by which I mean there are many problems will happen unexpectedly. Many people blame for the extinction of special creatures on the main environmental problem. But others differently argue that there are many more crucial environmental issues than only the loss of species in the world. In my view, I stand on both sides, protecting plants and animals and being concerned about other factors such as climate change, global warming and the increasing CO2 emission. Firstly, I am convinced that we, the human, are not the only creature existing on the globe, in fact, there are many more species co-existing or living even longer than us. Thus, if any of those are standing on the edge of extinction, or dying out, this point will break down the life circle more likely in the negative way. The hawks, for instance, are the mighty predators known as the king of birds, they tend to hunt rodents or snakes, but if there are no hawk living in the nature, their prayers will have more chances to give birth, increase their population. Eventually, the natural balance soon will be lost. However, there are also more important environmental issues, not only the extinct problem, particularly, the climate change, global warming and more urgent, the increasing CO2 emission. Personally, I am deeply concerned about those problems as if my personal affairs. Some people think the main cause of these may just happen naturally, but, actually, they are treating themselves with their innocent reasons, most of these issues are due to us, the humanity, especially from the manufactories. For example, in the heat energy industry, people have to burn coals in order to produce power supply to the civilians. This, however, releases a huge amount of toxic waste into the atmosphere, causing air pollution. Finally, I am worried about our nature because of those problems as though I am an environmentalist. We need to preserve the natural habitats and the green colour of our planet by trying to teach and inspire more and more people getting involved in this as if these are theirs. In conclusion, the loss of particular species, the climate change, the global warming and the air pollution, caused by the increasing carbon dioxide are all important to us. Therefore, we, as a member of the green planet, should protect our globe as there is only one planet we can live.
We are living in an unsustainable world, by which I mean there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
will happen
unexpectedly
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
blame for the extinction of special creatures on the main environmental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
others
differently
argue that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more crucial environmental issues than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
the loss of species in the world. In my view, I stand on both sides, protecting plants and animals and
being concerned
about other factors such as climate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
, global warming and the increasing CO2 emission.

Firstly
, I
am convinced
that we, the human, are not the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
creature existing on the globe, in fact, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more species co-existing or living even longer than us.
Thus
, if any of those are standing on the edge of extinction, or dying out, this point will break down the life circle more likely in the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
way. The hawks,
for instance
, are the mighty predators known as the king of birds, they tend to hunt rodents or snakes,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
if there are no
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "hawks"?
hawk
living in the nature, their prayers will have more chances to give birth, increase their population.
Eventually
, the natural balance
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
will
be lost
.

However
, there are
also
more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
environmental issues, not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
the extinct
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
,
particularly
, the climate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
, global warming and more urgent, the increasing CO2 emission.
Personally
, I am
deeply
concerned about those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
as if my personal affairs.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the main cause of these may
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
happen
naturally
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, actually, they are treating themselves with their innocent reasons, most of these issues are due to us, the humanity,
especially
from the
Possible spelling mistake found.
manufactories
.
For example
, in the heat energy industry,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
burn coals in order to produce power supply to the civilians. This,
however
, releases a huge amount of toxic waste into the atmosphere, causing air pollution.

Finally
, I
am worried
about our nature
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
as though I am an environmentalist. We need to preserve the natural habitats and the green
Possible spelling mistake. 'colour' is British English.
colour
of our planet by trying to teach and inspire more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
getting involved in this as if these are theirs.

In conclusion
, the loss of particular species, the climate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
, the global warming and the air pollution, caused by the increasing carbon dioxide are all
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to us.
Therefore
, we, as a member of the green planet, should protect our globe as there is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
one planet we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Many people think that companies or private institutions should take the responsibility of cleaning the waste in the environment, not the government. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
404 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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