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Arts is important form of expression for individual and culture of society. should children be taught arts in school in your opinion. is it important for children to focus on arts rather than other subjects v.1

Arts is important form of expression for individual and culture of society. should children be taught arts in school in your opinion. is it important for children to focus on arts rather than other subjects v. 1
In today's world, education is not complete without deep knowledge of the subject. Research plays a major role in understanding a particular area and completing the assignments or projects. In this essay, different places are suggested from where useful information can be gained. First of all, the libraries are the primary and easy source of data since older times as they are available in all educational institutions and can be easily accessed by students. Public libraries are also provided by government for common people in cities. For example, one can look at the library catalogue and get the details regarding each and every book, journal or literature present in the library. Furthermore, due to advancement in internet technologies, digital libraries are also convenient to utilize if anyone knows how to use the internet. One can read or download files from websites and databases. Second important way of getting the guidance is face to face interviews with veteran people who have a lot of experience in their field. These people belonged to these fields in the past and have hands on experience which is equally important as theoretical knowledge of books. For instance, one can ask about the battles from veteran army personnel as they encountered many warfares. Moreover, subject teachers and mentors are also experts in their subjects and are the storehouse of information and they can also help in clearing the basic concepts. In addition to, other methods such as market survey, feedback forms and government offices can also be included for obtaining data. Finally, I pen down stating that research is crucial for completing the assignments to enhance deep and logical thinking among students. Education is a foundation for a well developed society and the students who learn to analyse things early could have more chances of getting success in future.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's world, education is not complete without deep knowledge of the subject. Research plays a major role in understanding a particular area and completing the assignments or projects. In this essay,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
places
are suggested
from where useful information can
be gained
.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the libraries are the primary and easy source of data since older times as they are available in all educational institutions and can be
easily
accessed by students. Public libraries are
also
provided by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
for common
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in cities.
For example
, one can look at the library
Possible spelling mistake. 'catalogue' is British English.
catalogue
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
regarding each and every book, journal or literature present in the library.
Furthermore
, due to advancement in internet technologies, digital libraries are
also
convenient to utilize if anyone knows how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the internet. One can read or download files from websites and databases.

Second
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
way of getting the guidance is face to face interviews with veteran
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
experience in their field. These
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
belonged to these fields in the past and have hands on experience which is
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
as theoretical knowledge of books.
For instance
, one can ask about the battles from veteran army personnel as they encountered
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Possible spelling mistake found.
warfares
.
Moreover
, subject teachers and mentors are
also
experts in their subjects and are the storehouse of
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
information and
they can
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in clearing the basic concepts.
In addition
to, other methods such as market survey, feedback forms and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
offices can
also
be included
for obtaining data.

Finally
, I pen down stating that research is crucial for completing the assignments to enhance deep and logical thinking among students. Education is a foundation for a
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well developed
society and the students who learn to
Possible spelling mistake. 'analyse' is British English.
analyse
things early could have more chances of getting success
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Arts is important form of expression for individual and culture of society. should children be taught arts in school in your opinion. is it important for children to focus on arts rather than other subjects v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
303 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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