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Many people think region effect successful person. Whats your opinion about native regions and accomplished person influence on the regions they belong. v.1

Many people think region effect successful person. Whats your opinion about native regions and accomplished person influence on the regions they belong. v. 1
It is an alarming fact that the rate of crime is on a rapid hike at many places around the globe. In this essay, I will illustrate the underlying root causes for this issue and the possible solutions as well. Firstly, the prime contributor to this plight is the isolated living environment of the youth. Irrespective of the socioeconomic status, if a person’s home environment is chaotic, violent or simply lacking in attention, then the youngsters mostly indulge in illegal drug activities or crimes in a desperate cry for attention. The solution to this root cause is that parents should spend quality time with their children and don’t ignore them due to their busy routine. Be a leading role model for them by their actions and nurture them in a way that they have empathy towards others and respect for others properties. Secondly, the other most common factor is the unemployment. A recent study shows that the countries like South Korea, Japan and Qatar, which have better employment rate experience 30% decline in the crime rate. It is impossible for someone to endure the pain of hunger, especially when it’s their family and that is the time when they start committing petty crimes like vandalism and shoplifting. In order to counter this issue, the government should create employment opportunities for its citizens by establishing manufacturing plants and introducing skill development programs like Digi skills, not only in urban areas but also for rural once. To recapitulate, incessant escalation in crime rate is a great peril for the societies globally and Governments, parents as well as intellectual civil society members must counteract, in order to considerably diminish this, if not altogether eliminate it.
It is an alarming fact that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
is on a rapid hike at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
places around the globe. In this essay, I will illustrate the underlying root causes for this issue and the possible solutions
as well
.

Firstly
, the prime contributor to this plight is the isolated living environment of the youth. Irrespective of the socioeconomic status, if a person’s home environment is chaotic, violent or
simply
lacking in attention, then the youngsters
mostly
indulge in illegal drug activities or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
in a desperate cry for attention. The solution to this root cause is that parents should spend quality time with their children and don’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
them due to their busy routine. Be a leading role model for them by their actions and nurture them in a way that they have empathy towards others and respect for others properties.

Secondly
, the other most common factor is the unemployment. A recent study
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that the countries like South Korea, Japan and Qatar, which have better employment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
experience 30% decline in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
. It is impossible for someone to endure the pain of hunger,
especially
when it’s their family and
that is
the time when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
committing petty
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
like vandalism and shoplifting. In order to counter this issue, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should create employment opportunities for its citizens by establishing manufacturing plants and introducing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
development programs like
Possible spelling mistake found.
Digi
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in urban areas
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
for rural once.

To recapitulate, incessant escalation in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
is a great peril for the societies globally and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Governments
, parents
as well
as intellectual civil society members
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
counteract, in order to
considerably
diminish this, if not altogether eliminate it.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people think region effect successful person. Whats your opinion about native regions and accomplished person influence on the regions they belong. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
282 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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