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Some famous athletes and entertainers earn millions of dollarsevery year. Do you think these people deserve such high salaries? Usespecific reasons and examples to support your opinion. v.1

Some famous athletes and entertainers earn millions of dollarsevery year. Do you think these people deserve such high salaries? Usespecific reasons and examples to support your opinion. v. 1
It is thought by some that acceptance of a bad situation like unhappy work environment and lack of money is their only choice in life while some would argue that there's a room for improvement in every situation. In my opinion, I agree with the later that there's a better way to make everything better. Some people feel that the only way is to accept a bad situation. I think they have reasons why they don't want to change the situation. For example, too much rejection after trying to apply for their dream work or lack of appreciation of their abilities. For these reasons, they choose to remain on what they have rather than look for another way to improve their living. They don't have a choice to explore more as they are afraid of the possibilities of failure. On the other hand, it is considered by some that you need to try and look for different ways to improve the situation. For example, after many rejections in searching for a job, they will not stop until they find one because they believe in their ability and capacity. These kind of people has a positive view in life and have faith that if others can, they also can. Moreover, motivation is very important for us to aim for more and to strive hard for our dream. In conclusion, although acceptance of a bad situation is our last choice, we still need to believe in ourselves and show the world that we have our unique abilities and capacities that will help in improving the situation.
It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that acceptance of a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
like unhappy work environment and lack of money is their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
choice in life while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
would argue that there's a room for improvement in every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
. In my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the later that there's a better way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
everything better.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
feel that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way is to accept a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
they have reasons why they don't want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
.
For example
, too much rejection after trying to apply for their dream work or lack of appreciation of their abilities. For these reasons, they choose to remain on what they have
rather
than look for another way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their living. They don't have a choice to explore more
Comparison requires "than", not 'then' nor 'as'.
as
they are afraid of the possibilities of failure.

On the other hand
, it
is considered
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that you need to
"Try and" is common in colloquial speech, but "try to" is recommended for writing.
try and
look for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
ways to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
.
For example
, after
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
rejections in searching for a job, they will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
until they find one
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they believe in their ability and capacity.
Did you mean "this kind" or "These kinds"?
These kind
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
view in life and have faith that if others can, they
also
can.
Moreover
, motivation is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for us to aim for more and to strive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for our dream.

In conclusion
, although acceptance of a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
is our last choice, we
still
need to believe in ourselves and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the world that we have our unique abilities and capacities that will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in improving the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay Some famous athletes and entertainers earn millions of dollarsevery year. Do you think these people deserve such high salaries? Usespecific reasons and examples to support your opinion. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
264 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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