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Many people think modern communication technology is having some negative effects on social relationships. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? v.4

Many people think modern communication technology is having some negative effects on social relationships. with this statement? v. 4
It is argued that technological advancements in the field of communication have adversely affected one's personal and professional relationships. Personally, I strongly disagree with this view. As new ways of communicating with one another, such as mobile phones and social networks, are introduced, some fear that people might become socially isolated. Their rationale is that these technologies, which promote communication in virtual reality, have marginalized physical interaction and thus may potentially fracture concrete relationships. However, this claim is largely exaggerated. In reality, virtual interaction augments social relationships rather than undermines them. For example, most Facebook users talk to friends and colleagues both through the social network and in person. The extra features that Facebook provides like instant messaging and video calling do not substitute for having a conversation in real life, but merely help us stay connected over long distances. I am convinced there is further evidence to suggest that innovations in communication exist not to the detriment of social relationships, but rather to their benefit. Not only do they address the question of distance as demonstrated above, these tools also help us to expand our social circles. For instance, online food forums connect people who share a passion for culinary arts, while photo-sharing applications like Instalgram can bring together a group of individuals who have the same taste in fashion. These examples are a testament to how technology establishes communities and promotes interaction among people. In conclusion, there are sufficient grounds to reject the view that social relationships might be jeopardized by the advent of advanced communication technologies. It is my genuine belief that as technology improves going forward, so will people's social experience.
It
is argued
that technological advancements in the field of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
have
adversely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
one's personal and professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationships
.
Personally
, I
strongly
disagree with this view.

As new ways of communicating with one another, such as mobile phones and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networks,
are introduced
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
fear that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
might become
socially
isolated. Their rationale is that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
, which promote
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
in virtual reality, have marginalized physical interaction and
thus
may
potentially
fracture concrete
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationships
.
However
, this claim is
largely
exaggerated. In reality, virtual interaction augments
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationships
rather
than undermines them.
For example
, most Facebook users talk to friends and colleagues both through the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
network and in person. The extra features that Facebook provides like instant messaging and video calling do not substitute for having a conversation in real life,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
merely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us stay connected over long distances.

I
am convinced
there is
further
evidence to suggest that innovations in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
exist not to the detriment of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationships
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
rather
to their benefit. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
do they address the question of distance as demonstrated above, these tools
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us to expand our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
circles.
For instance
, online food forums connect
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who share a passion for culinary arts, while photo-sharing applications like
Possible spelling mistake found.
Instalgram
can bring together a group of individuals who have the same taste in fashion. These examples are a testament to how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
establishes communities and promotes interaction among
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

In conclusion
, there are sufficient grounds to reject the view that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationships
might
be jeopardized
by the advent of advanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
. It is my genuine belief that as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
going forward,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
will
Do not use 's with a verb. Did you mean "peoples"?
people's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
experience.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Many people think modern communication technology is having some negative effects on social relationships. with this statement? v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
275 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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