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Some people believe that watching big events like sports and the Olympics on TV encourage adults to exercise regularly. While others disagree that there are other effective ways of getting them to exercise. Discuss both views and give your opinion v.4

Some people believe that watching big events like sports and the Olympics on TV encourage adults to exercise regularly. While others disagree that there are other effective ways of getting them to exercise. 4
Many people have a mindset that watching events like the World Cup or Olympics on television motivate the grown ups to exercise daily. While some do not agree and believe that there are many other ways which can get them to exercise. In my essay I will discuss both the points and conclude by giving my opinion. Firstly, I will explain the idea of people getting encouraged to stay fit by watching sports on TV. I believe the athletes taking part in such events are fit and they take very good care of themselves by going to the gym daily. Many of these sportsmen are role models to people. They share their eating habits and the daily routine on social media, news channel interviews. People consider them as a benchmark for fitness. For example, the famous Indian cricketer Virat Kohli has millions of fans on Instagram of which my brother is also one of them. He shares pictures of him working out, tips and tricks for how to train and remain fit. People get influenced a lot of such things which eventually gives them motivation to work out. On the other hand, there are people who don't like watching sports and find other reasons to stay fit. People going for a 9 to 6 job by sitting at one place believe that they don't do any physical activity the entire day, so the fear of having health issues keeps them self-motivated to sweat out. For example, in my office building, there's a gym where many of my colleagues burn their fats after work hours. Also, there are young people in their mid 20's and are looking to get married. Such folks believe to get a prominent better half they need to stay fit by exercising. In my conclusion, I would like to say that it depends on person on person what they prefer. Some like to watch sports which they think will encourage them to gym, while some believe they can self-motivate themselves and stay fit. There's a saying 'Where there's a will, there's a way! ' In my opinion, we don't need to follow any sports to stay healthy. If a person is concerned about its health, it will take measures accordingly to stay fit.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have a mindset that watching
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
like the World Cup or Olympics on television motivate the
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
grown ups
to exercise daily. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other ways which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
them to exercise. In my essay I will discuss both the points and conclude by giving my opinion.

Firstly
, I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
getting encouraged to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fit
by watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
on TV. I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
the athletes taking part in such
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
are
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
fit and
they take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
care of themselves by going to the gym daily.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
of these sportsmen are role models to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. They share their eating habits and the daily routine on social media, news channel interviews.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
consider them as a benchmark for fitness.
For example
, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
Indian cricketer
Possible spelling mistake found.
Virat
Possible spelling mistake found.
Kohli
has millions of fans on Instagram of which my brother is
also
one of them. He shares pictures of him working out, tips and tricks for how to train and remain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fit
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
influenced
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
such things which
eventually
gives them motivation to work out.

On the other hand
, there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who don't like watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and find other reasons to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fit
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
going for a 9 to 6
Possible agreement error. The noun 'job' seems to be countable, so consider using: "jobs".
job
by sitting at one place
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that they don't do any physical activity the entire day,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the fear of having health issues
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
them self-motivated to sweat out.
For example
, in my office building, there's a gym where
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of my colleagues burn their fats after work hours.
Also
, there are young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in their mid
Apostrophes aren't needed for decades: "20s".
20's
and are looking to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
married. Such folks
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a prominent better half they need to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fit
by exercising.

In my conclusion, I would like to say that it depends
This phrase is duplicated. You should probably leave only "on person".
on person on person
what they prefer.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
which they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
will encourage them to gym, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
they can self-motivate themselves and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fit
. There's a saying 'Where there's a will, there's a way! ' In my opinion, we don't need to follow any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stay
healthy. If a person
is concerned
about its health, it will take measures
accordingly
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fit
.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
We should learn languages because language is the only thing worth knowing even poorly.
Kató Lomb

IELTS essay Some people believe that watching big events like sports and the Olympics on TV encourage adults to exercise regularly. While others disagree that there are other effective ways of getting them to exercise. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
376 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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