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Some people think that because some children find some subjects such as mathematics and philosophy difficult, they ought to be optional instead of compulsory. To what extent do you agree? v.10

Some people think that because some children find some subjects such as mathematics and philosophy difficult, they ought to be optional instead of compulsory. v. 10
The growing development had increased demand of education which plays a vital role in the growth of an individual. However, it has been a muted issue about the design of curriculum which subjects are in compulsory and which are optional. The essay will discuss my opinion with the argument about the above notion in the following paragraph. To begin with, educational institute must have to perform some analysis and then design the course, such as it gives the knowledge of basic skills which helps them in the later part of the life. There are certain subjects provides information about history, facts, arts and drawing skills which helps in the mental growth. For example, in the mathematical basic calculation such as addition, multiplication will be used in routine life during the money exchange or doing any calculation. Thus, this academic work introduces different skills where one can expand their research and earn money. Furthermore, some of the professors think that in the primary school students must get an idea about all the subject than in later life they have been given a chance to select a particular subject base on their abilities. When a child becomes teenagers and would able to select the branch of their interested can get more success. Moreover, Learning different subjects helps the individual for the development of analytical, mental growth even helps to grow analysing power. For instance, when a child learns Hindi, English and Gujarati languages will become able to communicate any person over the country. In conclusion, as per my opinion, a child must have to learn all the subjects in the early schools which require for the overall development. However, after becoming mature enough they are allowed to select a particular branch to continue.
The growing development had increased demand of education which plays a vital role in the growth of an individual.
However
, it has been a muted issue about the design of curriculum which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
are in compulsory and which are optional. The essay will discuss my opinion with the argument about the above notion in the following paragraph.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, educational institute
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
perform
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
analysis and then design the course, such as it gives the knowledge of basic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
them in the later part of the life. There are certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
provides information about history, facts, arts and drawing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
in the mental growth.
For example
, in the mathematical basic calculation such as addition, multiplication will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in routine life during the money exchange or doing any calculation.
Thus
, this academic work introduces
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
where one can expand their research and earn money.

Furthermore
,
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
professors
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that in the primary school students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
about all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
than in later life they have been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
a chance to select a particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
base on their abilities. When a child becomes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
and
Did you mean "would be able"?
would able
to select the branch of their interested can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more success.
Moreover
, Learning
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
the individual for the development of analytical, mental growth even
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
to grow
Possible spelling mistake. 'analysing' is British English.
analysing
power.
For instance
, when a child learns Hindi, English and Gujarati languages will become able to communicate any person over the country.

In conclusion
, as per my opinion, a child
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
learn all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
in the early schools which require for the
overall
development.
However
, after becoming mature
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to select a particular branch to continue.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Some people think that because some children find some subjects such as mathematics and philosophy difficult, they ought to be optional instead of compulsory. v. 10

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
291 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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