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most artist and low salaries and should therefore receive funding from the government in order for them to continue with their work. To what extent do you agree. v.1

most artist and low salaries and should therefore receive funding from the government in order for them to continue with their work. v. 1
Artists are a group of creative individuals in society. Nowadays, a great percentage of artists earn very low wages and it is considered that in order to continue their work they should receive a fair amount from the government. To a great extent I agree with this statement. To begin with, the foremost reason why the artist should collect funds from the government is that, the art industry also lending a hand to improve the economy of the respective country. Art works reflect the culture of the nation thus it attracts the tourist to visit and experience masterpiece works. Hence, The tourist industry gain advancement that results in the development of a nation's economy. For example, several paintings, creative statues and so on catch the attention of travellers to consider the place as their destination. So government investment to the artist, encourage to out bring various artistic creations. Moreover, to a great extend artist are an asset to the country and many individuals, ignoring their talents due to the less earning from art fields. Several people doing different jobs without any satisfaction as because of the lack of perfect platform and enough funds. For example, in present days, many youngsters are interested in different forms of arts such as drama, music, painting and so on. But the low wages, sometimes does not allow to become perfect in their works and talents. Therefore, the ministry supports might encourage individuals to fulfil their artistic goals. To conclude, craft forms and works are linked with culture. Many persons in the society withdraw themselves due to the poor income from it. Thus, financial funds receiving from power are a great boon to encourage them to produce creative art works.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Artists
are a group of creative individuals in society. Nowadays, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
great
percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
earn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
low wages and it
is considered
that in order to continue their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
they should receive a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
amount from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
. To a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
great
extent I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the foremost reason why the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artist
should collect funds from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
is that, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
industry
also
lending a hand to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the economy of the respective country.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Art
works reflect the culture of the nation
thus
it attracts the tourist to visit and experience masterpiece works.
Hence
, The tourist industry gain advancement that results in the development of a nation's economy.
For example
, several paintings, creative statues and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on catch the attention of
Possible spelling mistake found.
travellers
to consider the place as their destination.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
investment to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artist
, encourage
Did you mean "outing"? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'encourage' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
to out
bring various artistic creations.

Moreover
, to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
great
Did you mean the noun "extent"?
extend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artist
are an asset to the country and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
individuals, ignoring their talents due to the less earning from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
fields. Several
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
jobs without any satisfaction as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the lack of perfect platform and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
funds.
For example
, in present days,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
youngsters
are interested
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
forms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
such as drama, music, painting and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
the low wages,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
Did you mean "becoming"? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'allow' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
to become
perfect in their works and talents.
Therefore
, the ministry supports might encourage individuals to fulfil their artistic goals.

To conclude
, craft forms and works
are linked
with culture.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
persons in the society withdraw themselves due to the poor income from it.
Thus
, financial funds receiving from power are a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
great
boon to encourage them to produce creative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
works.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
Language is to the mind more than light is to the eye.
William Gibson

IELTS essay most artist and low salaries and should therefore receive funding from the government in order for them to continue with their work. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
285 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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