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Many people these days have computers, laptops, telephones at their home for work. Do you think working from home has advantages or disadvantages? Give reasons. v.1

Many people these days have computers, laptops, telephones at their home for work. Do you think working from home has advantages or disadvantages? Give reasons. v. 1
Many people believe that poverty is responsible for most of the illegal activities. There are many different types of crimes and I feel this statement is true for some of them while false for the others. Let me go into details in this essay about which parts I agree with and which I don't. Firstly, small crimes related to money like small theft and robbery are directly related to poverty. Folks committing these crimes are often doing this for fulfilling the basic needs of their family. For example, Recently in New Jersey, A man, who is unemployed for past 3 months, robbed a neighbourhood department store because he wanted to buy milk for his three year old daughter. We hear such news almost daily on TV. Secondly, lake of basic financial resources creates stress on these families, which results in crime like domestic violence. Adults in such families usually do multiple jobs to make ends meet, which results in a lot of stress and arguments between the couples. According to research studies, 90% of domestic abuse and violence cases happened in families with very low income. In some cases, this also results in mistreatment of children and child abuse. However, There are many white collar crimes which are the result of greed. Wealthy people also commit crime to gain more wealth. For example, during the financial crises of 2008 many bankers on wall street committed crimes worth billions of dollars. In conclusion, It is true that many criminal activities are a direct result of poverty. While many high end crime have nothing to do with lack of money. So in reality it depends on the type of crime.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that poverty is responsible for most of the illegal activities. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
and I feel this statement is true for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them while false for the others.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
me go into
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
in this essay about which parts I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with and which I don't.

Firstly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
related to money like
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
theft and robbery are
directly
related to poverty. Folks committing these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
doing this for fulfilling the basic needs of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
For example
, Recently in New Jersey, A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
, who
is unemployed
for past 3 months, robbed a
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbourhood' is British English.
neighbourhood
department store
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he wanted to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
milk for his three year
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
daughter. We hear such news almost daily on TV.

Secondly
, lake of basic financial resources creates
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
on these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
, which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
results
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
like domestic violence. Adults in such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
usually
do multiple jobs to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
ends
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
, which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
results
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and arguments between the couples. According to research studies, 90% of domestic abuse and violence cases happened in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
low income. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases, this
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
results
in mistreatment of children and child abuse.

However
, There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
white collar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
which are the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
result
of greed. Wealthy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
also
commit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
to gain more wealth.
For example
, during the financial crises of 2008
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
bankers on
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
wall street
committed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
worth billions of dollars.

In conclusion
, It is true that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
criminal activities are a direct
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
result
of poverty.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
high
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
have nothing to do with lack of money.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
in reality it depends on the type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Language is wine upon the lips. – Virginia WoolfInspirational quotes for language learners
Virginia Woolf

IELTS essay Many people these days have computers, laptops, telephones at their home for work. Do you think working from home has advantages or disadvantages? Give reasons. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
278 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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