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Many people say that we now live in ‘consumer societies’ where money and possessions are given too much importance. Others believe that consumer culture has played a vital role in improving our lives. Discuss both views and give your opinion v.1

Many people say that we now live in ‘consumer societies’ where money and possessions are given too much importance. Others believe that consumer culture has played a vital role in improving our lives. 1
During the past decade, an increasingly number of violence have been reported on the television and in the newspaper and every person feels that many social related problems are correlated with high amount of cruelty that has been showing up in the media to the same period of time. Personally, I believe that projecting high volume of terrorism on the TV may have a negative impact to the individual's behaviour. Firstly, it is logical that we all have a capability to decipher that a motion picture is just a fictional story; however, some people who are not mentally healthy, they could associate what they saw in the movie with reality than they should. For example, I have recently read this incident in the newspaper that a guy who has a very low IQ level, he killed his whole family in a cold blood after watching the picture about a serial killer, a movie which exposes an extreme amount of brutality. Secondly, although the aforementioned example is a rare case and not always lead to such an awful situation, it could bring other social problems such as bullying and bad behaviour in children and adults. For instance, if a kid is watching unwanted horror movies, then they think the role play could not suffer much doing these kind of activities. Hence, they could believe that doing violence is fine and they start bullying others in school and colleges. In conclusion, therefore, parents and governments, both have to take equal responsibility to correct our future generation. Parents should teach good behaviour and discipline their kids at home and also make sure to watch family kind of programs when offspring around them. Furthermore, parents are requested to turn always on child mode setting which is available in almost every drama website. Finally, governments have to address this issue and reduce the high amount of violence in the movies before it got certified.
During the past decade, an
increasingly number
of violence have
been reported
on the television and in the newspaper and every person feels that
many
social related problems
are correlated
with high amount of cruelty that has been showing up in the media to the same period of time.
Personally
, I believe that projecting high volume of terrorism on the TV may have a
negative
impact to the individual's
behaviour
.

Firstly
, it is logical that we all have a capability to decipher that a motion picture is
just
a fictional story;
however
,
some
people
who are not mentally healthy, they could associate what they
saw
in the
movie
with reality than they should.
For example
, I have recently read this incident in the newspaper that a guy who has a
very
low IQ level, he killed his whole family in a
cold
blood after watching the picture about a serial killer, a
movie
which exposes an extreme amount of brutality.

Secondly
, although the aforementioned example is a rare case and not always lead to such an awful situation, it could bring other social problems such as bullying and
bad
behaviour
in children and adults.
For instance
, if a kid is watching unwanted horror
movies
, then they
think
the
role play
could not suffer much doing
these kind
of activities.
Hence
, they could believe that doing violence is
fine and
they
start
bullying others in school and colleges.

In conclusion
,
therefore
, parents and
governments
, both
have to
take equal responsibility to correct our future generation. Parents should teach
good
behaviour
and discipline their kids at home and
also
make
sure to
watch
family kind of programs when offspring around them.
Furthermore
, parents
are requested
to turn always on child mode setting which is available in almost every drama website.
Finally
,
governments
have to
address this issue and
reduce
the high amount of violence in the
movies
before
it
got
certified.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people say that we now live in ‘consumer societies’ where money and possessions are given too much importance. Others believe that consumer culture has played a vital role in improving our lives. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
319 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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