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Many people say that we now live in ‘consumer societies’ where money and possessions are given too much importance. Others believe that consumer culture has played a vital role in improving our lives. Discuss both views and give your opinion v.2

Many people say that we now live in ‘consumer societies’ where money and possessions are given too much importance. Others believe that consumer culture has played a vital role in improving our lives. 2
The assertion that consumerism plays a vital role for our improvement seems to me constitute a fundamental confusion/misunderstanding about this issue. Whether to agree or not is a thought- provoking question. Personally. I, like many others, tend to totally agree with the viewpoint that consumerism plays a vital role for our improvement. The opponents of the argument clearly put the point forward that it tends to be resource hungry and puts more and more pressure on it. This might be true to some extent. However, I think that consumerism helps job sector by creating new jobs. To emphasise this view let us consider a situation, when people want to consume a product frequently, the manufacturers ensure this by employing more when people employees. People who believe that consumerism is not important usually mention that this train creates is that not only destroys our environment, but also has bad effects on our heath. This also may be true. But I think it improves the quality of citizen’s life and reduces the poverty of the society. Apart from the above-mentioned reasons, the opponents of the viewpoint may also claim that money is not the only factor of happiness and paying attention to gain money only may lead to serious consequences. This also seems true with an one eyed view. But I think consumerism helps and encourages creativity in business. Because the employee will do their best to be creative to earn more and more money. In conclusion, let me recapitulate the main points of my argument. I think consumerism plays a vital role for our improvement because of new jobs, quality of citizen' s life and creativity in business. Although obviously not every single issue related to this argument has been discussed.
The assertion that consumerism plays a vital role for our improvement seems to me constitute a fundamental confusion/misunderstanding about this issue. Whether to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
or not is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
- provoking question.
Personally
. I, like
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
others, tend to
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the viewpoint that consumerism plays a vital role for our improvement.

The opponents of the argument
clearly
put the point forward that it tends to be resource hungry and puts more and more pressure on it. This might be true to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent.
However
, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that consumerism
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
job sector by creating new jobs. To
Possible spelling mistake. 'emphasise' is British English.
emphasise
this view
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
us consider a situation, when
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
want to consume a product
frequently
, the manufacturers ensure this by employing more when
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
employees.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
who believe that consumerism is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
usually
mention that this train creates is that not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroys
our environment,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
effects on our heath. This
also
may be true.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
the quality of citizen’s life and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
the poverty of the society.

Apart from the above-mentioned reasons, the opponents of the viewpoint may
also
claim that money is not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
factor of happiness and paying attention to gain money
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
may lead to serious consequences. This
also
seems true with
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
one eyed view.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
consumerism
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
and encourages creativity in business.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
the employee will do their best to be creative to earn more and more money.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
me recapitulate the main points of my argument. I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
consumerism plays a vital role for our improvement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of new jobs, quality of
Possible spelling mistake found.
citizen&
#039; s life and creativity in business.
“Although” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Although
obviously
not every single issue related to this argument has
been discussed
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay Many people say that we now live in ‘consumer societies’ where money and possessions are given too much importance. Others believe that consumer culture has played a vital role in improving our lives. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
290 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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