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Many people say that the only way to guarantee getting a good job is to complete a course of university education. Others claim that it is better to start work after school and gain experience in the world of work. v.6

Many people say that the only way to guarantee getting a good job is to complete a course of university education. Others claim that it is better to start work after school and gain experience in the world of work. v. 6
The ultimate aim for some people continuing their study to university is to get an appropriate job after being a scholar. However, other people believe that it is better to start working after they graduate from senior high school in order to gain experience in the field of work. These views have become an inevitable issue in recent years. Through this essay, I want to argue that we are going to be more acceptable in a job market after completing the study in university. In general, there are two main reasons why I believe that a scholar can get a job easily. The first reason is that the university provides various kinds of lectures as well as use practical teaching in order to create skilled graduates. Moreover, the students in university are trained to be talented graduates that will make them easier to enter the job market. The second reason is that university tends to cooperate with company, state and private companies, to absorb the workers from the fresh graduates. In fact, some universities conduct annual job exhibition program in their campus as the opportunity for graduates entering the job market. In addition, some companies are invited to present their profiles in university freely. It also opens a wider opportunity for graduates. It is true that having more experience since senior high school is good, however, in recent years most of the companies tend to recruit at least a university graduate or scholar as their employers. In addition, even though there is an opportunity for senior high school graduates in a job market but they are probably put as the office boy or do not get a strategic position as the university graduates do. To sum up, the cooperation between university and company to conduct research or provide employment is such a valuable benefit for students in university to get a job easily and the lectures in university provide several skills for them.
The ultimate aim for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
continuing their study to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
an appropriate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
after being a scholar.
However
, other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that it is better to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
working after they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduate
from senior high school in order to gain experience in the field of work. These views have become an inevitable issue in recent years. Through this essay, I want to argue that we are going to be more acceptable in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
market after completing the study in university.

In general
, there are two main reasons why I believe that a scholar can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
easily
. The
first
reason is that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
provides various kinds of lectures
as well
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
practical teaching in order to create skilled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduates
.
Moreover
, the students in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
are trained
to
be talented
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduates
that will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them easier to enter the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
market.

The second reason is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
tends to cooperate with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
, state and private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
, to absorb the workers from the fresh
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduates
. In fact,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
conduct annual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
exhibition program in their campus as the opportunity for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduates
entering the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
market.
In addition
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
are invited
to present their profiles in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
freely
. It
also
opens a wider opportunity for graduates.

It is true that having more experience since senior high school is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
,
however
, in recent years most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
tend to recruit at least a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduate
or scholar as their employers.
In addition
,
even though
there is an opportunity for senior high school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduates
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
market
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they are
probably
put as the office boy or do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a strategic position as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduates
do.

To sum up, the cooperation between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
to conduct research or provide employment is such a valuable benefit for students in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
easily
and the lectures in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
provide several
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
for them.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
32Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people say that the only way to guarantee getting a good job is to complete a course of university education. Others claim that it is better to start work after school and gain experience in the world of work. v. 6

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
323 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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