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Many people say that the only way to guarantee getting a good job is to complete a course of university education. Others claim that it is better to start work after school and gain experience in the world of work. v.4

Many people say that the only way to guarantee getting a good job is to complete a course of university education. Others claim that it is better to start work after school and gain experience in the world of work. v. 4
Nowadays, many people believe that education in university level is the only way to get a good job. In contrast, some people think that working after high school is better since they can obtain experience in work environment. I will outline both issues with reasons and examples. Talking about a good job, it is not easy to achieve. We have to prepare ourselves both in terms of education and skill because they need to cooperate to make a good capability in ourselves, which we know as a prior thing that employers seek in the employees. For example, in the case of a job interview, employer commonly ask about our last education whether it is appropriate for the job position or not. They believe that higher education provides people not only in knowledge term but also their maturity. Furthermore, through university education, we are not only given subsequences of theories but also practices. So, before we go to the work field, we already know how to adapt to our expected job based on our background education. It is true that we need experiences to do better in our job, but it cannot be denied that education is more important than it. Take a teacher’s career as an example. By teaching earlier, you may have more experience than the new one who just graduated from university. But graduated university students can teach their students with better theories or concept from each material with good methods. To sum up, I must say that we need higher education to gain more information from the experts about our special field, therefore we can do our best to show our capability in front of employers to emphasise them that we deserve that job. So, I tend to disagree that work after school is better than to continue our study at university.
Nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
level is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
In contrast
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that working after high school is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
since they can obtain experience in work environment. I will outline both issues with reasons and examples.

Talking about a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, it is not easy to achieve. We
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
prepare ourselves both in terms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they need to cooperate to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
capability in ourselves, which we know as a prior thing that employers seek in the employees.
For example
, in the case of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
interview, employer
commonly
ask about our last
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
whether it is appropriate for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
position or not. They believe that higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
provides
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in knowledge term
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
their maturity.

Furthermore
, through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, we are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
subsequences of theories
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
practices.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
we go to the work field, we already know how to adapt to our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
based on our background education.

It is true that we need experiences to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it cannot
be denied
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than it. Take a teacher’s career as an example. By teaching earlier, you may have more experience than the new one who
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
graduated from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
The verb 'to graduate' requires the preposition 'from': "graduated from".
graduated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
students can teach their students with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
theories or concept from each material with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
methods.

To sum up, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
say that we need higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
to gain more information from the experts about our special field,
therefore
we can do our best to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
our capability in front of employers to
Possible spelling mistake. 'emphasise' is British English.
emphasise
them that we deserve that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, I tend to disagree that work after school is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
than to continue our study at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people say that the only way to guarantee getting a good job is to complete a course of university education. Others claim that it is better to start work after school and gain experience in the world of work. v. 4

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
305 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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