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Many people say that the only way to guarantee getting a good job is to complete a course of university education. Others claim that it is better to start work after school and gain experience in the world of work. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Many people say that the only way to guarantee getting a good job is to complete a course of university education. Others claim that it is better to start work after school and gain experience in the world of work. v. 1
In a salad days of the millennium, the society is polarised into two groups almost equally regarding to the notion that, many individuals believe that the one way to get and better opportunity in upcoming future is to finish a course of the master's degree. Although, others say that after the secondary education is better to start working and increase veteran. Different people have their distinct mindset. The following paragraphs would shed light on both the approaches before making a final sheet. To commence with the first notion that, some people say after completing the University course to get better jobs. There are a Myriad things in its favour. first and foremost, if a student complete his master study from a meadow of business or science. As a result, student well known about the theory and practical part of the background study. Secondly, it is very beneficial for a candidate to be an expert about the special field. Whereas, it is granted to gain a better job in future instead of secondary schooling. Furthermore, it is proved that some companies only recruit those people who have an academic certificate of master's as well as bachelor degree. Shifting towards to the second school of thought that, it is good to start work after 12th standard and increase knowledge of that particular field such as: hospitality and tutorial. Since, after finishing the secondary education from a school. It is a great opportunity to get an enrolment in hotel management field. Therefore, people can get a training as well as experience with doing some activities like as: internship. Moreover, many human beings have a desire to become a teacher, but teacher career can be started by earlier teaching with that masses can get teaching experience. While, the University student cannot teach the children after completing the course. Hammering the last Nail, I personally believe that higher education is to gain more information from the experts about special territory. However, the University degree is better for plethora vacancies show our capabilities in front of employers to emphasise them that we deserve that job.
In a salad days of the millennium, the society is
Possible spelling mistake. 'polarised' is British English.
polarised
into two groups almost
equally
The phrase 'regarding to' is not correct. Use "regarding" or "regard to".
regarding to
the notion that,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
individuals believe that the one way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
opportunity in upcoming future is to finish a course of the master's degree. Although, others say that after the secondary education is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
working and increase veteran.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have their distinct mindset. The following paragraphs would shed light on both the approaches
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
making a final sheet.

To commence with the
first
notion that,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
say after completing the University course to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
jobs. There are a Myriad
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "thing"?
things
in its
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
first
and foremost, if a student complete his master study from a meadow of business or science.
As a result
, student well known about the theory and practical part of the background study.
Secondly
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
beneficial for a candidate to be an expert about the special field.
“Whereas” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whereas
, it
is granted
to gain a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
job in future
instead
of secondary schooling.
Furthermore
, it
is proved
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
recruit those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who have an academic certificate of master's
as well
as bachelor degree.

Shifting towards to the second school of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
work after 12th standard and increase knowledge of that particular field such as: hospitality and tutorial. Since, after finishing the secondary education from a school. It is a great opportunity to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
an
Possible spelling mistake. 'enrolment' is British English.
enrolment
in hotel management field.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a training
as well
as experience with doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
activities like as: internship.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
human beings have a desire to become a teacher,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
teacher career can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
by earlier teaching with that masses can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
teaching experience. While, the University student cannot teach the children after completing the course.

Hammering the last Nail, I
personally
believe that higher education is to gain more information from the experts about special territory.
However
, the University degree is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
for plethora vacancies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
our capabilities in front of employers to
Possible spelling mistake. 'emphasise' is British English.
emphasise
them that we deserve that job.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
Language is wine upon the lips. – Virginia WoolfInspirational quotes for language learners
Virginia Woolf

IELTS essay Many people say that the only way to guarantee getting a good job is to complete a course of university education. Others claim that it is better to start work after school and gain experience in the world of work. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
349 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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