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To what extent will migration from the developing world to the developed world become a social and political issue in the 21st century? v.2

To what extent will migration from the developing world to the developed world become a social and political issue in the 21st century? v.2
Immigration with the aim of achieving better lifestyle has become one of the most considerable discussions among developed countries, over recent decades. To clarify, this phenomenon has widely led to serious threats to hosts from a diversity of aspects which it is going to be evaluated in the following paragraphs. As the beginning impact of immigrants, it could be stated that the host government face a variety of population difficulties. By the way of illustration, it must be supplied a widespread accommodation for the new citizens, which costs a great deal of expenses for the government. The second problem stemming from this issue is that the immigrants from various countries have experienced different cultures, in contrast to developed countries. As a result, the cultural differences could cause minus effects on the host, especially on juveniles. These effects could contribute to decreasing the national motivation. As the last point, undoubtedly, the immigration issue is notified as one of the countries` major commitments in terms of the human rights. Therefore, the developed nations try to maintain their positive images in international communities. This could be evaluated in order to rate the countries in United Nations from the aspect of humanitarianism. In conclusion, the numerous challenges result from immigration of people living in developing countries, ranging from population control to the worldwide feedbacks from human right perspective. Despite these facts, many countries have still kept open their borders to immigrants.
Immigration with the aim of achieving better lifestyle has become one of the most considerable discussions among developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, over recent decades. To clarify, this phenomenon has
widely
led to serious threats to hosts from a diversity of aspects which it is going to
be evaluated
in the following paragraphs.

As the beginning impact of immigrants, it could
be stated
that the host
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
face a variety of population difficulties. By the way of illustration, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be supplied
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "widespread accommodation".
a widespread accommodation
for the new citizens, which costs a great deal of expenses for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.

The second problem stemming from this issue is that the immigrants from various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
have experienced
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
cultures,
in contrast
to developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
As a result
, the cultural differences could cause minus effects on the host,
especially
on juveniles. These effects could contribute to decreasing the national motivation.

As the last point,
undoubtedly
, the immigration issue
is notified
as one of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries`
major commitments in terms of the human rights.
Therefore
, the developed nations try to maintain their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
images in international communities. This could
be evaluated
in order to rate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
in United Nations from the aspect of humanitarianism.

In conclusion
, the numerous challenges result from immigration of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
living in developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, ranging from population control to the worldwide feedbacks from human right perspective. Despite these facts,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
have
still
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
open their borders to immigrants.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay To what extent will migration from the developing world to the developed world become a social and political issue in the 21st century? v.2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
237 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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