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Many people say that the only way to guarantee getting a good job is to complete a course of university education. Others claim that it is better to start work after school and gain experience in the world of work. v.3

Many people say that the only way to guarantee getting a good job is to complete a course of university education. Others claim that it is better to start work after school and gain experience in the world of work. v. 3
At recent years, there is an ongoing debate whether by completing further study in university or by joining the workload directly will lead someone to be employed in a good job. I personally believe that continuing higher study in a course at a university will alleviate the opportunity to get involved in the labour market. The light competitiveness in work field, in some ways, increases the need for qualified workers. Moved by this trigger, universities develop the quality of the students by improving the specialisations and by extending the variety of courses. Taken as an example, business courses have been expanding the field of study in a wide range of majors such as public health business which provides the participants to focus on hospital management, pharmacy business, etc. or social based entrepreneur which develops the candidates to build their social-based businesses by a small amount of money. On the other hand, undeniably, students in university seem to be the lack of practical experiences in working environment. Being an employee means more of responsibilities, job deadlines, etc. and there are several consequences if they show bad performances. To solve this case, internship programmes and core soft skill training can be effective ways out. University faces challenges to keep improving the curricula in order to prepare the students with work experiences by entering the utmost graduate students with 3 months working programmes in thrived companies as well as with several working skills training such as leadership training. To sum up, in spite of the growth of demand for universities' graduates in good offer jobs, it is inevitable that they have more positive sides to fit them in such enormous opportunities.
At recent years, there is an ongoing debate whether by completing
further
study in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
or by joining the workload
directly
will lead someone to
be employed
in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
job. I
personally
believe that continuing higher study in a course at a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
will alleviate the opportunity to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
involved in the
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
market.

The light competitiveness in work field, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
ways, increases the need for qualified workers.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Moved
by this trigger,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
develop the quality of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
by improving the
Possible spelling mistake. 'specialisations' is British English.
specialisations
and by extending the variety of courses. Taken as an example,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
courses have been expanding the field of study in a wide range of majors such as public health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
which provides the participants to focus on hospital management, pharmacy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
, etc. or social based entrepreneur which develops the candidates to build their social-based
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
by a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
amount of money.

On the other hand
,
undeniably
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
seem to be the lack of practical experiences in working environment. Being an employee means more of responsibilities, job deadlines, etc. and there are several consequences if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
performances. To solve this case, internship
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
and core soft
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
training can be effective ways out.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
University
faces challenges to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
improving the curricula in order to prepare the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
with work experiences by entering the utmost graduate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
with 3 months working
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
in thrived
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
as well
as with several working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
training such as leadership training.

To sum up,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
the growth of demand for universities' graduates in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
offer jobs, it is inevitable that they have more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
sides to fit them in such enormous opportunities.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
Language comes first. It’s not that language grows out of consciousness, if you haven’t got language, you can’t be conscious.
Alan Moore

IELTS essay Many people say that the only way to guarantee getting a good job is to complete a course of university education. Others claim that it is better to start work after school and gain experience in the world of work. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
278 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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