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Learning a foreign language offers an insight into how people from other cultures think and see the world. The teaching of a foreign language should be compulsory at all primary schools. v.4

Learning a foreign language offers an insight into how people from other cultures think and see the world. The teaching of a foreign language should be compulsory at all primary schools. v. 4
It is true that by learning other country’s language, we could learn various types of new traditions and cultures. Therefore it is believed that the study of foreign language should become a compulsory course at all elementary schools. I personally agree with the statement as it would become a valuable asset for the children, and the following essay will discuss it in details. Learning new foreign languages would be an exciting activity for elementary students since it will not only focus on the grammar structure and the vocabulary. Some audio-visual tools that are usually made for the children to learn, and they commonly show about the country’s cultures.  Therefore, students will not only learn the language, but also learn about the daily activity of the local people, and some of the cultural places in the country. And then, as we are living in the globalisation era, more and more people are doing international trade activities these days. As a consequence, it is important for business people to able to speak in another language, besides their mother tongue language. Trading activities are mostly dominated by countries such as the US, Japan and China nowadays, and as a consequence, it is essential for the future generation to learn these countries’ languages. Therefore learning one of these international languages should be a compulsory course in all primary schools. In conclusion, studying foreign languages become an essential thing these days, as it brings many benefits for the people. One of the advantages is that we could learn another country’s tradition and civilisation. I personally agree with the statement and I strongly recommend students to learn new languages from the earliest level.
It is true that by learning other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
, we could
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
various types of new traditions and cultures.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
it
is believed
that the study of foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
should become a compulsory course at all elementary schools. I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement as it would become a valuable asset for the children, and the following essay will discuss it in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
.

Learning new foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
would be an exciting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
for elementary students since it will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
focus on the grammar structure and the vocabulary.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
audio-visual tools that are
usually
made for the children to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
, and they
commonly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
cultures.  
Therefore
, students will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
about the daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
of the local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, and
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
cultural places in the country.

And then, as we are living in the
Possible spelling mistake. 'globalisation' is British English.
globalisation
era, more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are doing international trade
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
these days. As a consequence, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for business
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
Did you mean "to be able"?
to able
to speak in another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
,
besides
their mother tongue
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
. Trading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
are
mostly
dominated by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
such as the US, Japan and China nowadays, and as a consequence, it is essential for the future generation to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
learning one of these international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
should be a compulsory course in all primary schools.

In conclusion
, studying foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
become an essential thing these days, as it brings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. One of the advantages is that we could
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
tradition and
Possible spelling mistake. 'civilisation' is British English.
civilisation
. I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement and I
strongly
recommend students to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
from the earliest level.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay Learning a foreign language offers an insight into how people from other cultures think and see the world. The teaching of a foreign language should be compulsory at all primary schools. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
277 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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