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Many people say that the only way to guarantee getting a good job is to complete a course of university education. Others claim that it is better to start work after school and gain experience in the world of work. How far do you agree or disagree with the above views? v.2

Many people say that the only way to guarantee getting a good job is to complete a course of university education. Others claim that it is better to start work after school and gain experience in the world of work. How far with the above views? v. 2
There is an ongoing debate on whether completing a university degree can guarantee a better job or to join work immediately after finishing school in order to gain experience. I agree to the above point that having a degree can guarantee great job for students but there are some impossibilities to get a job in the same field, which I will discuss in this essay. It Is true that having a degree would guarantee a better job, but it is not always sure that students will get a job in their field of study for example, if a student have completed a degree in nutrition there is only 25 percent possibility that the student would be a nutritionist. Because they ask for experienced candidates to play a role of Nutritionists and on the other hand they also need a highly skilled person to handle patients. Therefore, it is not always possible to get a job in the related field. Nevertheless, there are some people who say that gaining experience immediately after finishing school would help them to get a better job in life. For instance, it is possible for the students to gain experience by working in their free time. They can explore for work just to have some experience so that they can do well in major jobs. However, this will help them to know more about different kinds of jobs. Moreover, they can do well in upcoming job offers of their own choice. In conclusion, I totally agree that students should go to work after finishing their school to get more opportunities of various jobs in which they find is suitable to them because they are already experienced in different fields and they have already gained experience by working in various backgrounds. Furthermore, it will be more helpful for them to choose a kind of job they like to do.
There is an ongoing debate on whether completing a university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
can guarantee a better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
or to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
work immediately after finishing school in order to gain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
to the above point that having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
can guarantee great
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
impossibilities to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
The usual preposition for "get a job" is "with" for an organization. Revise: "with the same".
in the same
field, which I will discuss in this essay.

It Is true that having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
would guarantee a better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is not always sure that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
in their field of study
for example
, if a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
have completed a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
in nutrition there is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
25 percent possibility that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
would be a nutritionist.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ask for
experienced candidates to play a role of Nutritionists and
on the other hand
they
also
need a
highly
skilled person to handle patients.
Therefore
, it is not always possible to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
The usual preposition for "get a job" is "with" for an organization. Revise: "with the related".
in the related
field.

Nevertheless
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who say that gaining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
immediately after finishing school would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
in life.
For instance
, it is possible for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to gain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
by working in their free time. They can explore for work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can do well in major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
.
However
, this will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to know more about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
.
Moreover
, they can do well in upcoming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
offers of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
choice.

In conclusion
, I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should go to work after finishing their school to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more opportunities of various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
in which they find is suitable to them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are already experienced in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
fields and
they have already gained
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
by working in various backgrounds.
Furthermore
, it will be more helpful for them to choose a kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
they like to do.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people say that the only way to guarantee getting a good job is to complete a course of university education. Others claim that it is better to start work after school and gain experience in the world of work. How far with the above views? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
312 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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