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Many people say that the only way to guarantee getting a good job is to complete a course of university education. Others claim that it is better to start work after school and gain experience in the world of work. v.5

Many people say that the only way to guarantee getting a good job is to complete a course of university education. Others claim that it is better to start work after school and gain experience in the world of work. v. 5
In recent days, there are some people prefer to work directly after graduating from the secondary school instead of pursuing higher level education. They assert that they will obtain some experiences in the workplace, and it develops them to be an independent person. However, I personally disagree about this point because people need the university education to gain a bright future career. This essay will look into the reasons. To survive in the globalisation era, people need to have higher education. People who enter university education will be more ready to face the world competition. The university education tries to provide skills which are needed for some occupations. It is also supported by a wide knowledge that is obtained by students. They will more understand their study theoretically and practically. For instance, university tends to provide a variety of study fields which pose a great help for people to master their study. Moreover, they will be taught and guided by professional lecturer even some professors who expert in that study. Therefore, it will be full of useful for students. In addition, university education is the main requirement to gain a better job. It is proved by some companies which prefer to recruit those people who have an academic certificate of bachelor degree instead of secondary level. It is caused by the employers believe that university education already provides professional people. It is supported by the longer time of study thus the people are ready to involve in the workplace. It is true that it enables people to earn money and learn from their experiences for those who prefer to work directly. However, they lack the theoretical knowledge and cannot gain a good job as same as the higher level students. There will have more opportunities for those graduating from a university rather than that from the secondary level. To sum up, people should consider that university level education is able to develop the students as an expert person in the study and it can reduce the problems will be faced in the workplace.
In recent days, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to work
directly
after graduating from the secondary school
instead
of pursuing higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. They assert that they will obtain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
experiences in the workplace, and it develops them to be an independent person.
However
, I
personally
disagree about this point
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
to gain a bright future career. This essay will look into the reasons.

To survive in the
Possible spelling mistake. 'globalisation' is British English.
globalisation
era,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need to have higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
enter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
will be more ready to face the world competition. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
tries to provide
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
which
are needed
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
occupations. It is
also
supported by
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "wide knowledge".
a wide knowledge
that
is obtained
by students. They will more understand their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
theoretically
and
practically
.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
tends to provide a variety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
fields which pose a great
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to master their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
.
Moreover
, they will
be taught
and guided by professional lecturer even
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
professors
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
expert in that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
.
Therefore
, it will be full of useful for students.

In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is the main requirement to gain a better job. It
is proved
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
which prefer to recruit those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have an academic certificate of bachelor degree
instead
of secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
. It
is caused
by the employers believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
already provides professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
It
is supported
by the longer time of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
thus
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are ready to involve in the workplace.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
It
is true that it enables
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to earn money and learn from their experiences for those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
prefer to work
directly
.
However
, they lack the theoretical knowledge and cannot gain a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
job as same as the higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
students. There will have more opportunities for those graduating from a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
rather
than that from the secondary level.

To sum up,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should consider that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is able to develop the students as an expert person in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
and it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the problems will
be faced
in the workplace.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
40Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people say that the only way to guarantee getting a good job is to complete a course of university education. Others claim that it is better to start work after school and gain experience in the world of work. v. 5

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
343 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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