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In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this. v.32

In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this. v. 32
A more developed world as today does not have a high opinion on immediate university studies anymore. Instead, a gap year between high school and the university is getting more popular. This choice is said to have both pros and cons as follows. To begin with, a gap year is extremely beneficial. Firstly, a free year can provide students with a myriad of experiences and knowledge. They can challenge themselves in different positions, jobs, and responsibilities. Moreover, this year, they have an opportunity to meet and learn from numerous people. As a result, students are more likely to find their passion, which is undoubtedly crucial when choosing their study field in the future. However, this decision also has some negative points. In particular, after a year out of school, students are easy to forget their academic knowledge, such as maths, literature or geography to the university entrance exam. In addition, when they retake it, there will be no friends of teachers besides them to boost their determination and motivation. They will stand a chance of falling behind other candidates. Consequently, the gate of the university will be far away from them. Taking everything into consideration, spending a year after high school for work and travel has two sides according to personal situations. Whether or not to do this should be carefully.
A more developed world as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
does not have a high opinion on immediate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
studies anymore.
Instead
, a gap
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
between high school and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
is getting more popular. This choice
is said
to have both pros and cons as follows.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, a gap
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
is
extremely
beneficial.
Firstly
, a free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
can provide students with a myriad of experiences and knowledge. They can challenge themselves in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
positions, jobs, and responsibilities.
Moreover
, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
, they have an opportunity to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
and learn from numerous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
As a result
, students are more likely to find their passion, which is
undoubtedly
crucial when choosing their study field in the future.

However
, this decision
also
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
points.
In particular
, after a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
out of school, students are easy to forget their academic knowledge, such as
Possible spelling mistake. 'maths' is British English.
maths
, literature or geography to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
entrance exam.
In addition
, when they retake it, there will be no friends of teachers
besides
them to boost their determination and motivation. They will stand a chance of falling behind other candidates.
Consequently
, the gate of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
will be far away from them.

Taking everything into consideration, spending a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
after high school for work and travel has two sides according to personal situations.
Consider shortening this phrase to just "Whether". It is correct though if you mean 'regardless of whether'.
Whether or not
to do this should be
carefully
.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Learn a new language and get a new soul.
Czech Proverb

IELTS essay In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this. v. 32

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
221 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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