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Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your opinion. Give the reasons and relative examples upon your own experiences. v.30

Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. Give the reasons and relative examples upon your own experiences. v. 30
Children are the future of society and country, so they should learn about involvement in community activities from their parents. However, some people tend to deem that this should be taught by their teachers. I intend to delve both the aspects with my opinion at the end of the essay. To initiate with, parents are the first teacher for their children in most stages of their life. There are some reasons why they should teach their children to be a part of the society. Firstly, parents understand their children more than anyone else, and they should explain the importance of helping people in different ways which will make their children more confident and respectable person. Secondly, parents should motivate them to share their unwanted things such as toys, books, cloths and shoes to them who cannot buy by themselves, and this will make both happy and will increase the capabilities of children understand and respect different people. As an instance, every year my family and I make food every festival of the year and buy clothes for people who need them and distribute those in various areas of my city. This is the reason why parents should engage their children in various social participation and make their life more valuable. On the other hand, some people consider that the schools are another place where children should learn about public activities. Teachers should take the responsibility as well to direct students towards flourished country which is possible because children respect them very much and easily grasp from them. Essentially, the management of schools should arrange some extracurricular activities which can assist students easily to public life to discover the problems and to figure out solutions. As per my personal experience, in my school, we needed to research on social problems and discuss those with the whole class on every last Saturday of the month, and after that we watched motivational videos related to them to understand quickly. That is why schools have important role to encourage children for being a better person by involving in social life. In conclusion, as per my opinion, parents and schools both are equally responsible to prepare children as a nice human being by contributing their life in social empowerment.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
are the future of society and country,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they should learn about involvement in community activities from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to deem that this should
be taught
by their teachers. I intend to delve both the aspects with my opinion at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the essay.

To initiate with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are the
first
teacher for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in most stages of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons why they should teach their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to be a part of the society.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
understand their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
more than anyone else, and they should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
the importance of helping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
ways which will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
more confident and respectable person.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should motivate them to share their unwanted things such as toys, books, cloths and shoes to them who cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
by themselves, and this will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
both happy and will increase the capabilities of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
understand and respect
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. As an instance, every year my family and I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
food every festival of the year and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
clothes for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who need them and distribute those in various areas of my city. This is the reason why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should engage their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
participation and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
more valuable.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
consider that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
are another place where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should learn about public activities. Teachers should take the responsibility
as well
to direct students towards flourished country which is possible
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
respect them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
much and
easily
grasp from them.
Essentially
, the management of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
should arrange
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extracurricular activities which can assist students
easily
to public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
to discover the problems and to figure out solutions. As per my personal experience, in my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, we needed to research on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
problems and discuss those with the whole
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
on every last Saturday of the month, and after that we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watched
motivational videos related to them to understand
quickly
.
That is
why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role to encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
for being a better person by involving in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
life.

In conclusion
, as per my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
both are
equally
responsible to prepare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
as a nice human being by contributing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
empowerment.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
39Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. Give the reasons and relative examples upon your own experiences. v. 30

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
374 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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