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Many people say that the only way to guarantee a good job to complete a course of university education. Others claim that it is better to start work after school and gain experience in the world of work. Discuss both view and give your opinion. v.1

Many people say that the only way to guarantee a good job to complete a course of university education. Others claim that it is better to start work after school and gain experience in the world of work. v. 1
There has been a difference of opinion regarding the topic that a plethora of individuals argues the exclusive way to guarantee a suitable job to graduate tertiary education. However, others believe that it is more effective to start work after school and increase experience in the world of work. I claimed that working after finish higher education is better. On the one hand, I understand why some people support the opinion that working after school is more effective so as to gain experience. The proponents of the notion ensure a variety of reasons to support their standpoints. First and foremost, a number of jobs require more practical skills than theoretical ones. . For instance, people can industry selling or electric engineering after the academy, because of which not only do this kind of jobs do not demand for On the other hand, I would side with those who argue that firstly people complete their high institute to find a suitable job. The primary reason why I think that people should finish their tertiary education after starting work is because high salary jobs required theoretical skills which are taught at university. For example, lawyers or doctors require a qualification that can take up to 6 years to acquire; therefore, it is not possible for young people to do without academic knowledge. Moreover, IT literacy and language ability which are subjects of educational institution also aid people in order to increase their job opportunities, so they can get high profit jobs. By way of conclusion, even though there are certain justifications for the former statement, I am of the opinion that having completed a course of university, individuals can find high salary.
There has been a difference of opinion regarding the topic that a plethora of individuals argues the exclusive way to guarantee a suitable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
to graduate tertiary education.
However
, others believe that it is more effective to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
work after school and increase experience in the world of work. I claimed that working after finish higher education is better.

On the one hand, I understand why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
support the opinion that working after school is more effective
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
gain experience. The proponents of the notion ensure a variety of reasons to support their standpoints.
First
and foremost, a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
require more practical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
than theoretical ones.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can industry selling or electric engineering after the academy,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of which not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
do this kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
do not demand
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
for


On the other hand
, I would side with those who argue that
firstly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
complete their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
institute to find a suitable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. The primary reason why I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should finish their tertiary education after starting work is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
salary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
required theoretical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
which
are taught
at university.
For example
, lawyers or doctors require a qualification that can take up to 6 years to acquire;
therefore
, it is not possible for young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to do without academic knowledge.
Moreover
, IT literacy and language ability which are subjects of educational institution
also
aid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in order to increase their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
opportunities,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
profit jobs.

By way of conclusion,
even though
there are certain justifications for the former statement, I am of the opinion that having completed a course of university, individuals can find
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
salary.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people say that the only way to guarantee a good job to complete a course of university education. Others claim that it is better to start work after school and gain experience in the world of work. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
280 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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