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Government should put tax on unhealthy food to promote better health. Do you agree or disagree? v.2

Government should put tax on unhealthy food to promote better health. v. 2
Maintain good health is the prime responsibility of every human being. But, these days it is hard to do so, because of the easy availability of the unhealthy foods in the market. The federal government should increase taxes on junk meals so that people start to buy healthy foodstuff and promote good health. I personally agree with this statement, and I am going to explain it in the following paragraphs. To begin with, imposing taxes on the harmful food products will make it too expensive to destitute. This will force people to prepare meals at home. To exemplify this, according to the report of the World Health Organization that, the government of Sri Lanka has announced the taxation of sugary drinks to lower down the risks of obesity, diabetes and cardiovascular diseases. Thus, taxation on sugary drinks would enable policy makers to improve health outcomes by reducing unhealthy consumptions. Another point to consider, if the governments are imposing tariffs on the convenience eatables, there exist myriad solutions to tackle it. First, it is very necessary to self-restrain yourself from having too much of street food or we can get rid of cravings with exercise. People should stay off buying everything that is placed on the shelf. We have an expression, ‘food is not love’. Ergo, while one eats or fed it does not need affection, but attention is one of the greatest importances. In conclusion, Imposing more tax on eatables is not only the solution. They should spread the awareness of self-discipline towards our eating pattern because it is important to achieve the mantra ‘Health is wealth’. To do so, the government and the public must go hand in hand.
Maintain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
is the prime responsibility of every human being.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, these days it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the easy availability of the unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
in the market. The federal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should increase taxes on junk meals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
healthy foodstuff and promote
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement, and I am going to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
it in the following paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, imposing taxes on the harmful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
products will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it too expensive to destitute. This will force
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to prepare meals at home. To exemplify this, according to the report of the World
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Health
Organization that, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
of Sri Lanka has announced the taxation of sugary drinks to lower down the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
of obesity, diabetes and cardiovascular diseases.
Thus
, taxation on sugary drinks would enable
This expression is normally spelled as one or with hyphen.
policy makers
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
outcomes by reducing unhealthy
Possible spelling mistake found.
consumptions
.

Another point to consider, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
are imposing tariffs on the convenience eatables, there exist myriad solutions to tackle it.
First
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
necessary to self-restrain yourself from having too much of street
Use a comma before 'or' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
food or
we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rid of cravings with exercise.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
should stay off buying everything that
is placed
on the shelf. We have an expression,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
‘food
is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
’. Ergo, while one eats or fed it does not need affection,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
attention is one of the greatest
Possible spelling mistake found.
importances
.

In conclusion
, Imposing more tax on eatables is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the solution. They should spread the awareness of self-discipline towards our eating pattern
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to achieve the mantra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
‘Health
is wealth’. To do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
and the public
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
go hand in hand.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Government should put tax on unhealthy food to promote better health. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
280 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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