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Many people say that the only way to guarantee a good job is to complete a course in university education. Others claim that it is better to start work after school and gain experience in the world of work. How far do you agree or disagree with the above views? Give a reason for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience

8. Many people say that the only way to guarantee a good job is to complete a course of university education. Others claim that it is better to start work after school and gain experience in the world of work. how far with the above views? Give reason for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v. 1
Generally everyone wants to get a good job after completion of education. Society has a different concepts, the majority has a strong believe that good education play a major role in finding a better employment on desire position however some people are in favor of experience after completion of school education. As far as my perspective, it is all depends on situation and luck to get a good job and position too but I have strong believe that besides excellent education if individual will have some experience will help you acquire employment as early. First of all, all employer show their welcome to the candidate who has some experience of practical work although, the work experience was not requirement as per their advertisement. To illustrate, if the girl has experience of working in beauty-parlor because of her interest and she knows to perform manicure, pedicure, facial massage and hair styling as well as she has completed her certification or diploma in this specialty she will get job on good position with reasonable salary and as quick as compared to that person who just had certificate without experience because in this field client will need hand-on service. On the other hand, we can see that after completion of higher education many youngsters are remain employed. For example, many talented candidate are unable to get job after completion of Master in Human Resource or Business Management for the reason that they do not have a working exposure to handle the critical situation, if they will get opportunity so initially on joiner position and with law package they can get a chance. In conclusion, I accept as true that good education with working experience in any particular subject as per individual qualification will make them more capable to find an excellent and professional growth in employment.
Generally
everyone wants to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
completion
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. Society has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "concept"?
concepts
, the majority has a strong
Did you mean "belief" (noun) instead of believe (verb)?
believe
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
play a major role in finding a better employment on desire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
position
however
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are in favor of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
completion
of school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. As far as my perspective, it is all depends on situation and luck to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
position
too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I have strong
Did you mean "belief" (noun) instead of believe (verb)?
believe
that
besides
excellent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
if individual will have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
you acquire employment as early.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, all employer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their welcome to the candidate who has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
of practical work although, the work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
was not requirement as per their advertisement. To illustrate, if the girl has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
of working in beauty-parlor
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of her
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
interest and
she knows to perform manicure, pedicure, facial massage and hair styling
as well
as she has completed her certification or diploma in this specialty she will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
position
with reasonable salary and as quick as compared to that person who
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
had certificate without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
in this field client will need hand-on service.

On the other hand
, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
completion
of higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
youngsters are
Consider using a past participle here: "remained".
remain
employed.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
talented candidate are unable to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
completion
of Master in Human Resource or Business Management for the reason that they do not have a working exposure to handle the critical situation, if they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
opportunity
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
initially
on joiner
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
position
and with law package they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a chance.

In conclusion
, I accept as true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
with working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
in any particular subject as per individual qualification will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them more capable to find an excellent and professional growth in employment.
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IELTS essay Many people say that the only way to guarantee a good job is to complete a course in university education. Others claim that it is better to start work after school and gain experience in the world of work. How far with the above views? Give a reason for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
303 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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