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Many people say that the only way to guarantee a good job is to complete a course of university education. Others claim that it is better to start work after school and gain experience in the world of work. Discuss v.6

Many people say that the only way to guarantee a good job is to complete a course of university education. Others claim that it is better to start work after school and gain experience in the world of work. Discuss v. 6
It is undeniable that the view of having a well-paid job depends on many factors. While the vast majority of people believe that a good job must be accompanied with a full academic course from the university, others believe that it is better stark working immediately after high school. I would argue how being graduated from a university would play a vital role in getting a good job. To begin with, one of the most crucial factors for getting a good job is that to complete an educational program at the university. The reason behind this is that it often enriches people’s knowledge with a plenty of information needed to let them enter the labour market in an effective way and thus getting a good job. For instance, having my education done at Anderson University in the United States two years ago played an essential role in getting a magnificent work, such education fulfilled my knowledge in my job career. Moreover, I do not believe that I can get this job without having my education done at the university. Having said that, many companies around the world require a complete university course supported by a legalized certificate in order to attain a job. These companies usually believe that their employees should have at least the minimal knowledge about a certain a job. In other words, the General Electric Company usually requires an employee who has graduated from the university as some of other jobs require even a higher degree such as a master’s or doctorate. Therefore, having some knowledge about the required job may let employees add more to their experience and thus increase their output within a company. In conclusion, I believe that it is government’s responsibility to emphasize the magnificent benefits regarding education and how it may affect a student’s knowledge and experience.
It is undeniable that the view of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
a well-paid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
depends on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
factors. While the vast majority of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
The usual collocation for "accompany" is "by," not "with." It is better to say this: "accompanied by".
accompanied with
a full academic course from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
, others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that it is better stark working immediately after high school. I would argue how
being graduated
from a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
would play a vital role in getting a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
job.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, one of the most crucial factors for getting a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
is that to complete an educational program at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
. The reason behind this is that it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
enriches
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
with a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of information needed to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
them enter the
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
market
Consider replacing "in an effective way" with the adverb for "effective"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in an effective way
and
thus
getting a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
done at Anderson
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
University
in the United States two years ago played an essential role in getting a magnificent work, such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
fulfilled my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
in my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
career.
Moreover
, I do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that I can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
done at the university.

Having said that,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
around the world require a complete
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
course supported by a legalized certificate in order to attain a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. These
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
usually
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that their employees should have at least the minimal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
about a certain a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
In other words
, the General Electric
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Company
usually
requires an employee who has graduated from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
require even a higher degree such as a master’s or doctorate.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
about the required
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
employees
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
more to their experience and
thus
increase their output within a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.

In conclusion
, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
’s responsibility to emphasize the magnificent benefits regarding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and how it may affect a student’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
and experience.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
38Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people say that the only way to guarantee a good job is to complete a course of university education. Others claim that it is better to start work after school and gain experience in the world of work. Discuss v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
305 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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