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Many people say that family is the most powerful influence on a child’s development. However, some people suppose that other factors (such as music, friends, …) have a great influence on children. ” Discuss both views and give your opinions. v.2

Many people say that family is the most powerful influence on a child’s development. However, some people suppose that other factors (such as music, friends, …) have a great influence on children. ” v. 2
Children are influenced by lots of factors. Some people think that a family is a place and this place has the greatest rate influence on children, but others believe that having many other reasons such as music or friends which have a great influence on children. In my opinion, both of family and music or friends are all influence on children. On the one hand, some people think that family has the greatest impact on the growing up of children because parents have a part of the responsibility to teach children and they have plenty of time to expose to their children. Therefore, parents tend to teach their children via a way that they want. For example, parents will teach children about politeness. This helps children formation the politeness personality. In contrast, if parents have the wrong way, they will teach the wrong way for their children. Moreover, children tend to imitate their parents when they meet some typical activities of their parent and this also influence on children. On the other hand, others claim that having many other factors influence children alike music or friends. To begin, children now spend space-time to listen to music or play a game because of music helps them feel relax and having a good mood. For example, if children cannot concentrate on their study, music can help them due to some kinds of music that can help people concentrate on studying. In contrast, if children listen to a piece of sad music, their' s mood can feel not good. Furthermore, other relationship such as friends which also impact on children. Some children have a close friend, they will influence each other' s personality. To sum up, although some people think that family has the greatest impact on children, I believe that other factors such as music or friends also influence the greatest on children.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
are influenced
by lots of factors.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is a place and this place has the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
greatest
rate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
influence
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
others believe that having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
reasons such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
which have a great
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
influence
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. In my opinion, both of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
are all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
influence
on children.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
has the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
greatest
impact on the growing up of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have a part of the responsibility to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teach
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
children and
they have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of time to expose to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
tend to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teach
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
via a way that they want.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
about politeness. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
formation the politeness personality.
In contrast
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
way, they will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teach
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
way for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
tend to imitate their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
typical activities of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
and this
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
influence
on children.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, others claim that having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
factors
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
influence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
alike
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
spend space-time to listen to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
or play a game
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
them feel relax and having a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
mood.
For example
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
cannot concentrate on their study,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them due to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
that can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
concentrate on studying.
In contrast
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
listen to a piece of sad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
their&
#039; s mood can feel not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
relationship such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
which
also
impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have a close
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend
, they will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
influence
each
Possible spelling mistake found.
other&
#039; s personality.

To sum up, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
has the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
greatest
impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
factors such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
influence
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
greatest
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
73Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people say that family is the most powerful influence on a child’s development. However, some people suppose that other factors (such as music, friends, …) have a great influence on children. ” v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
311 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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