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Many people say that cooking and eating at home is better for the individual and the family than eating out in restaurants and canteens. Do you agree or disagree? v.2

Many people say that cooking and eating at home is better for the individual and the family than eating out in restaurants and canteens. v. 2
Today's generation believes in eating out in restaurants and canteens rather than cooking and eating at home. I strongly disagree with the above statement, nowadays youths are seen more in restaurants, hotels, canteens rather than home's kitchen because they make themselves busy with other stuffs like watching movies, surfing net on mobile and they hesitate to cook themselves. Moreover, people are getting more discounts and offers from online at a very cheap price and number of varieties which leads to less interest in people to go to their kitchen and cook for themselves. Very often individuals who are studying in colleges and working people as well are mostly seen inside the canteens, cafe and restaurants at lunch hours and dinner too. Every individual has facilities to get their meals at their door steps in a very less time and at a minimal price amount. So it's very clear that outside market is ruled out each and everyone's food habits and their choices. Benefited by public and society, restaurants and canteens are growing rapidly. Most commercial applications are earning in huge out of this. Apart from that, people are there who sticks to hygienic and tasty homemade food. These people are seen healthier and happier with their families and surroundings. Occasionally, they prefer to go restaurant with their dear and near ones to spend some quality time or to attend some function like marriages, birthday parties. In consequences, people are suffering from many unwanted health issues and meanwhile they are forgetting the homemade healthy diet. Due to this outgrowing trend, society is deprived from the family time and gathering. Hence people should make a practice of having healthy home food without wasting ample amount of money at restaurants and canteens, assuring for a good health. "HEALTH IS WEALTH".
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
's generation believes in eating out in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
restaurants
and canteens
rather
than cooking and eating at home.

I
strongly
disagree with the above statement, nowadays youths are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
more in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
restaurants
, hotels, canteens
rather
than home's kitchen
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
themselves busy with other stuffs like watching movies, surfing net on
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
mobile and
they hesitate to cook themselves.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are getting more discounts and offers from online at a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
price and number of varieties which leads to less interest in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to go to their kitchen and cook for themselves.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
individuals who are studying in colleges and working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
as well
are
mostly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
inside the canteens,
'cafe' is an imported foreign expression, which originally has a diacritic. Consider using "café"
cafe
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
restaurants
at lunch hours and dinner too. Every individual has facilities to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
their meals at their door steps in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
less time and at a minimal price amount.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
it's
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that outside market
is ruled
out each and
Did you mean "every one"?
everyone
's food habits and their choices. Benefited by public and society,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
restaurants
and canteens are growing
rapidly
. Most commercial applications are earning in huge out of this.

Apart from that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are there who sticks to hygienic and tasty homemade food. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
healthier and happier with their families and surroundings.
Occasionally
, they prefer to go
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
restaurant
with their dear and near ones to spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
quality time or to attend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Did you mean "functions"?
function
like marriages, birthday parties.

In consequences,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are suffering from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
unwanted health issues and meanwhile they are forgetting the homemade healthy diet. Due to this outgrowing trend, society is
The usual collocation for "deprived" is "of" not "". Did you mean "deprived of"?
deprived from
the family time and gathering.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a practice of having healthy home food without wasting ample amount of money at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
restaurants
and canteens, assuring for a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
health.

Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
HEALTH IS WEALTH
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Many people say that cooking and eating at home is better for the individual and the family than eating out in restaurants and canteens. v. 2

Essay
  American English
7 paragraphs
297 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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