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Living in a big city is better than living in a small town v.1

Living in a big city is better than living in a small town v. 1
In this contemporary society, a wide variety of individuals tent to migrate to cities to seek more opportunities for their occupations and education than living an ordinary life in a small town. This essay will look at the causes of this problem. One of the main reasons why people prefer to live in big cities is due to greater employment opportunities. It is clear to all observers that the population in metropolitan areas outweighs others which in turns create more demands in any aspects. Therefore, businesses and industries tend to make investments to earn profit from these potential customers in major cities. As a result, it naturally creates more jobs on the market and thus attracts more talents from other areas. This is supported by the latest research of the XX department that 90% job vacancies in Vietnam are in either Ha Noi, Da Nang or Ho Chi Minh city (the most developed three cities). Lack of education support is another critical factor that discourage people from living in rural areas. The unfortunate fact is that the Government budget is generally not distributed equally, education wise. Indeed, it is undeniable that many small cities in the countryside are not well funded to build schools, provide books or any other educational necessities. The insufficient budget not only results in the poor infrastructure, but also the lack of human resources such as qualified teachers, professors or tutors. The result is that students cannot acquire higher education as compared to the one offered in major cities. Hence, envisaging better places with more advanced education, more and more people are willing to leave their rural birthplaces purely for a brighter future. In conclusion, quality of life in big cities are better than other areas due to greater employment opportunities and more advanced education.
In this contemporary society, a wide variety of individuals tent to migrate to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
to seek more opportunities for their occupations and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
than living an ordinary life in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
town. This essay will look at the causes of this problem.

One of the main reasons why
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
is due to greater employment opportunities. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
to all observers that the population in metropolitan
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
outweighs others which in turns create more demands in any aspects.
Therefore
, businesses and industries tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
investments to earn profit from these potential customers in major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
.
As a result
, it
naturally
creates more jobs on the market and
thus
attracts more talents from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
. This
is supported
by the latest research of the XX department that 90% job vacancies in Vietnam are in either Ha
Possible spelling mistake found.
Noi
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Da
Possible spelling mistake found.
Nang
or
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
Ho Chi Minh city
(the most developed three cities).

Lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
support is another critical factor that discourage
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from living in rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
. The unfortunate fact is that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
budget is
generally
not distributed
equally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
wise.
Indeed
, it is undeniable that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
in the countryside are not well funded to build schools, provide books or any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
educational necessities. The insufficient budget not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
results in the poor infrastructure,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the lack of human resources such as qualified teachers, professors or tutors. The result is that students cannot acquire higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
as compared to the one offered in major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
.
Hence
, envisaging better places with more advanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, more and more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are willing to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their rural birthplaces
purely
for a brighter future.

In conclusion
, quality of life in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
are better than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
due to greater employment opportunities and more advanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Living in a big city is better than living in a small town v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
299 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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