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The number of people who are at risk of serious health problems due to being overweight is increasing? Give some reasons and solutions for it. v.2

The number of people who are at risk of serious health problems due to being overweight is increasing? Give some reasons and solutions for it. v. 2
In this face-paced world, obesity is considered as a cause which led to health problems. In my opinion, there are several reasons of this issue, and I will offer some solutions to tackle these problems. Firstly, sedentary life is a major cause of overweight. For instance, people rely on electronic devices to do everything due to technology advancement like online shopping, thus they are usually lack of physical activities. Secondly, fast-food culture is another reason for obesity. Some research from hospitals illustrate fast-food is high in sodium, sugar and cholesterol, it can lead to unwanted weight gain after eating too much over a long time. There are two effective solutions to address of increasing average weight, and improving lifestyle is too sedentary. One way to resolve this is to ensure that the encouraging companies and schools held some interesting activities for free such as tennis competitions or fitness courses. By doing this, people will start doing some exercises, and weight could be declined. Another method of dealing with this is by raising the tax on unhealthy food also restricting the amount of unhealthy food are sold per day, then people will not lure toward these products. In conclusion, although resolving these health problems should spend a long time, I believe by putting a stop to advertise harmful food and promoting physical activities can decrease the number of people who suffered from disease attack.
In this face-paced world, obesity
is considered
as a cause which led to health problems. In my opinion, there are several reasons of this issue, and I will offer
some
solutions to tackle these problems.

Firstly
, sedentary life is a major cause of overweight.
For instance
,
people
rely on electronic devices to do everything due to technology advancement like online shopping,
thus
they are
usually
lack of physical activities.
Secondly
,
fast
-food culture is another reason for obesity.
Some
research from hospitals illustrate
fast
-food is high in sodium, sugar and cholesterol, it can lead to unwanted weight gain after eating too much over a long time.

There are two effective solutions to address of increasing average weight, and improving lifestyle is too sedentary. One way to resolve this is to ensure that the encouraging
companies
and schools held
some
interesting activities for free such as tennis competitions or fitness courses. By doing this,
people
will
start
doing
some
exercises, and weight could
be declined
. Another method of dealing with this is by raising the tax on unhealthy food
also
restricting the amount of unhealthy food
are sold
per day, then
people
will not lure toward these products.

In conclusion
, although resolving these health problems should spend a long time, I believe by putting a
stop
to advertise harmful food and promoting physical activities can decrease the number of
people
who suffered from disease attack.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay The number of people who are at risk of serious health problems due to being overweight is increasing? Give some reasons and solutions for it. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
233 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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