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For some people, the ideal holiday is to get away from their normal routine by staying in a hotel or camping in a countryside. Others prefer to stay at home and do things they do not normally have time for. What do you think are the benefits of going away on holidays? v.2

For some people, the ideal holiday is to get away from their normal routine by staying in a hotel or camping in a countryside. Others prefer to stay at home and do things they do not normally have time for. What do you think are the benefits of going away on holidays? v. 2
Since past years, holidays are looking forward to by many people. Whether it is going away from home or just staying at home depending on how a person perceives which one is ideal. It is believed that having a holiday vacation gives us many benefits. These will be proven by looking at how learning different cultures and acquiring a relaxing and peaceful body and mind. Firstly, knowledge about different cultures will certainly an advantage for us. For example, during my summer vacation last year, I went to Singapore, and there I learned to speak Mandarin, their major language, in just a small amount of time. I also have tasted their Singaporean cuisine such SG's Sashimi meal which I think a very different to Filipino foods. Thus, I become more knowledgeable about their culture which really benefited me. Another benefit is that a holiday can make our body and mind relaxed and peaceful. For instance, in Singapore where I spent my summer vacation, I saw the clean and green environment of the Pasiris Garden which gave me fresh air that was so relaxing. I also saw the beauty of the Marina Bay Sands and its surrounding water that was so peaceful. Thus, those new locations have given me peace and healthy mind. This shows how having a vacation is such an advantage to me. In conclusion, vacations make us more culturally knowledgeable and give us a healthy and peaceful mind. These benefited us a lot. But an ideal holiday is not always travelling away from home, perhaps we can get all these advantages by just staying at home.
Since past years,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holidays
are looking forward to by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. Whether it is going away from home or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
staying at home depending on how a person perceives which one is ideal. It
is believed
that having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holiday
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vacation
gives us
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits. These will
be proven
by looking at how learning
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
cultures and acquiring a relaxing and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peaceful
body and mind.

Firstly
, knowledge about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
cultures will
certainly
an advantage for us.
For example
, during my summer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vacation
last year, I went to Singapore, and there I learned to speak Mandarin, their major language, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
amount of time. I
also
have tasted their Singaporean cuisine such SG's Sashimi meal which I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
to Filipino foods.
Thus
, I become more knowledgeable about their culture which
really
benefited me.

Another benefit is that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holiday
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
our body and mind relaxed and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peaceful
.
For instance
, in Singapore where I spent my summer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vacation
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
the clean and green environment of the
Possible spelling mistake found.
Pasiris
Garden which gave me fresh air that was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
relaxing. I
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
the beauty of the Marina Bay Sands and its surrounding water that was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peaceful
.
Thus
, those new locations have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
me peace and healthy mind. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
how having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vacation
is such an advantage to me.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vacations
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
us more
culturally
knowledgeable and give us a healthy and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peaceful
mind. These benefited us a lot.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
an ideal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holiday
is not always travelling away from home, perhaps we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
all these advantages by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
staying at home.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay For some people, the ideal holiday is to get away from their normal routine by staying in a hotel or camping in a countryside. Others prefer to stay at home and do things they do not normally have time for. What do you think are the benefits of going away on holidays? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
267 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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