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For some people, the ideal holiday is to get away from their normal routine by staying in a hotel or camping in a countryside. Others prefer to stay at home and do things they do not normally have time for. What do you think are the benefits of going away on holidays? v.3

For some people, the ideal holiday is to get away from their normal routine by staying in a hotel or camping in a countryside. Others prefer to stay at home and do things they do not normally have time for. What do you think are the benefits of going away on holidays? v. 3
Many people believe that the concept of a perfect holiday is by going on a vacation to country areas or staying in a resort and getting away from routine activities. However, there are others who choose to stay at their house and do some personal tasks that they have not done yet. The following essay will discuss the advantages of taking a trip during the holiday period in details. To begin with, it is a fact that working competition in big cities such as in New York, Tokyo or London is getting tougher these days. Therefore workloads and work pressures are getting more intense nowadays and have increased the stress level of many employees. Many of these people feel depressed, hopeless and burnt out with their daily routine activities and that have negatively impacted to their work performance and individual's life as well. For a number of reasons, it is believed that the best way to release stress is by taking some leisure activities. Firstly, by taking a trip to the mountain areas, people could get away from the noise, distraction and pollution that they must face daily. They could do some relaxation and meditation activities in these places, which could help them in releasing their stress. Secondly, by taking a vacation to the countryside or to some resorts, people could have some quality time with their families. Lastly, taking a trip to new areas will enrich people's experiences, as they will learn new cultures, new languages and new foods. In conclusion, it is believed that people should take a trip to a new area or go to some scenery places during their holiday period. Going to some tourist destination places such as the mountain areas, or the beach bring a lot of benefits for mankind since it could help them in releasing their stress level and they could have some quality time with their families.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that the concept of a perfect holiday is by going on a vacation to country
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
or staying in a resort and getting away from routine
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
However
, there are others who choose to stay at their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
and do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
personal tasks that they have not done
yet
. The following essay will discuss the advantages of taking a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trip
during the holiday period in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, it is a fact that working competition in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
cities such as in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
New
York, Tokyo or London is getting tougher these days.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
workloads and work pressures are getting more intense nowadays and have increased the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
level of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
employees.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel depressed, hopeless and burnt out with their daily routine
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
and that have
negatively
impacted to their work performance and individual's life
as well
.

For a number of reasons, it
is believed
that the best way to release
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
is by taking
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
Firstly
, by taking a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trip
to the mountain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
away from the noise, distraction and pollution that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
face daily. They could do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
relaxation and meditation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
in these places, which could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them in releasing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
.
Secondly
, by taking a vacation to the countryside or to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
resorts,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
quality time with their families.
Lastly
, taking a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trip
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
will enrich
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's experiences, as they will learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
cultures,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
languages and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
foods.

In conclusion
, it
is believed
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should take a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trip
to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
or go to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
scenery places during their holiday period. Going to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
tourist destination places such as the mountain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
, or the beach bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
benefits for mankind since it could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them in releasing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
level and
they could have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
quality time with their families.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
28Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
He who knows no foreign languages know nothing of his own.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

IELTS essay For some people, the ideal holiday is to get away from their normal routine by staying in a hotel or camping in a countryside. Others prefer to stay at home and do things they do not normally have time for. What do you think are the benefits of going away on holidays? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
316 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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