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Many people prefer to read and tell stories to their children and regard it as a good opportunity to establish a stronger parent-child relationship. Others, however, think that parents do not need to do that and children should read books, watch TV and movies by themselves. v.2

Many people prefer to read and tell stories to their children and regard it as a good opportunity to establish a stronger parent-child relationship. Others, however, think that parents do not need to do that and children should read books, watch TV and movies by themselves. v. 2
The attitude of children towards the society is mainly based on the knowledge they get from books, TV and media. However, some think it is the responsibility of parents to read the stories to children, while others think children have the ability to read and understand the things on media, books by themselves. I will discuss both aspects in the below paragraphs. Firstly, Parents are the first teacher to their kids. Parents are the one who will have a vast influence in moulding children for the betterment of their future. Parents can convey the right messages gathered from books, TV, media in a more precise way. Also, parents can broaden children's view by discussing various elements of life by telling stories. Furthermore, parents can teach more the efficient method of reading books and gathering information from the media. On the contrary, too much influence of parents develops a dependent attitude in children, which reduces the self-confidence in taking decisions. Children will also follow negative aspects of their parents as they are not getting enough opportunity to think in different directions. Secondly, children develop a unique ability of self-decision and judgment if they are allowed to read books, watch TV, media. This self-dependence will have a positive impact on their academic carries. In addition, creativity and imagination will be moulded according to their experience and imagination. On the other hand, children will accept everything without knowing the positive and negative elements which will impact their personality and future. To sum up, I opine that, both approaches have advantages and disadvantage but parents have more influence on the development of positive attitude in children by guiding them in each element. However, parents should act in such a way that, the learning and independent decision taking abilities of their children are not compromised.
The attitude of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
towards the society is
mainly
based on the knowledge they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
, TV and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is the responsibility of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to read the stories to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, while others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have the ability to read and understand the things on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
by themselves. I will discuss both aspects in the below paragraphs.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
are the
first
teacher to their kids.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
are the one who will have a vast influence in
Possible spelling mistake. 'moulding' is British English.
moulding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
for the betterment of their future.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
can convey the right messages gathered from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
, TV,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
in a more precise way.
Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can broaden children's view by discussing various elements of life by telling stories.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can teach more the efficient method of reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
and gathering information from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
.
On the contrary
, too much influence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
develops a dependent attitude in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
the self-confidence in taking decisions.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
will
also
follow
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
aspects of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
as they are not getting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
opportunity to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
directions.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
develop a unique ability of self-decision and judgment if they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to read
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
TV,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
. This self-dependence will have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on their academic carries.
In addition
, creativity and imagination will be
Possible spelling mistake found.
moulded
according to their experience and imagination.
On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will accept everything without knowing the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
elements which will impact their personality and future.

To sum up, I opine that, both approaches have advantages and disadvantage
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have more influence on the development of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
attitude in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
by guiding them in each element.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should act in such a way that, the learning and independent decision taking abilities of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are not compromised.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people prefer to read and tell stories to their children and regard it as a good opportunity to establish a stronger parent-child relationship. Others, however, think that parents do not need to do that and children should read books, watch TV and movies by themselves. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
300 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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