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Should parents read or tell stories to their children or should the children be encouraged to read books, watch movies or TV all by themselves? v.1

Should parents read or tell stories to their children or should the children be encouraged to read books, watch movies or TV all by themselves? v. 1
Children and teenagers are always fond of tales. This is one of the key reasons why many parents tell/read them bedtime stories. Whether the guardian should narrate stories for their kid or they should be left to watch TV/movies, has been one of the most debated topics of the recent times. Some people would argue that storytelling creates a great bonding between the children and their parents. Others claim that by this act children can never become self-dependent. In this essay both the aspects of this statement would be discussed. Firstly, it is quite evident that parents who narrate tales to their children spend more time with them, as compared to those who don't. This in a way strengthens their relationship. For instance, research around the world has shown that children are more attached to those individuals who spend more time with them. Thus, it is quite apparent that storytelling does play a key role in relationship building between the children and their parents. Moreover, some argue that telling stories and in turn, spending more time with the kids does make them dependent on their parents. Take for example; the children who can keep themselves busy with books, movies etc. can adjust themselves in isolation from their parents if the situation demands so. Thus, it will help them grow personally and make them self-dependent. After analysing both the aspects of this argument, it is quite evident that storytelling makes children highly dependent on their parents. But the effects it has on relationship building is something which cannot be neglected. Thus, it can be concluded that storytelling is very rewarding in terms of building relationships and every parent should indulge themselves in it. It is also believed that in the coming future more and more parents will realise the importance of storytelling and will engage themselves with their kids.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
are always fond of tales. This is one of the key reasons why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
/read them bedtime stories. Whether the guardian should narrate stories for their
Use a comma before 'or' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
kid or
they should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
TV/movies, has been one of the most debated topics of the recent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
would argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
storytelling
creates a great bonding between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. Others claim that by this act
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can never become self-dependent. In this essay both the aspects of this statement would
be discussed
.

Firstly
, it is quite evident that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
narrate tales to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
spend more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with them, as compared to those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
don't. This in a way strengthens their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationship
.
For instance
, research around the world has shown that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are more attached to those individuals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
spend more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with them.
Thus
, it is quite apparent that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
storytelling
does play a key role in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationship
building between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and their parents.

Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
argue that telling stories and in turn, spending more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with the kids does
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them dependent on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. Take
for example
; the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
themselves busy with books, movies etc. can adjust themselves in isolation from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
if the situation demands
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
.
Thus
, it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them grow
personally
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them self-dependent.

After
Possible spelling mistake. 'analysing' is British English.
analysing
both the aspects of this argument, it is quite evident that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
storytelling
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
highly
dependent on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
the effects it has on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationship
building is something which cannot
be neglected
.
Thus
, it can
be concluded
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
storytelling
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
rewarding in terms of building
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationships
and every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
should indulge themselves in it. It is
also
believed that in the coming future more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
will
Possible spelling mistake. 'realise' is British English.
realise
the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
storytelling
and will engage themselves with their kids.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
33Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
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IELTS essay Should parents read or tell stories to their children or should the children be encouraged to read books, watch movies or TV all by themselves? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
308 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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