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Many people prefer to read and tell stories to their children and regard it as a good opportunity to establish a stronger parent-child relationship. Others, however, think that parents do not need to do that and children should read books, watch TV and movies by themselves. v.1

Many people prefer to read and tell stories to their children and regard it as a good opportunity to establish a stronger parent-child relationship. Others, however, think that parents do not need to do that and children should read books, watch TV and movies by themselves. v. 1
People have different views on whether parents should read or tell stories to children. From my point of view, this practice is more beneficial to children, although the opposite view does have some advantages. It is undeniable that letting children read books by themselves would cultivate their independence. As they can explore the world of books by themselves, there is no restriction to their mind. Children can build up the ability of independent thinking in this way. Besides, more broaden information is available for children by this practice. Books, movies, TV have various information and some of them are very valuable knowledge. It is a good way for children to accumulate this knowledge with entertainment ways as they won't feel any pressure on it. Despite above argument, the way of sharing or reading stories to children by their parents has more distinctive benefits. Parents can enhance the relationship with their children. For example, the time spent on reading stories together is memorable and meaningful to both parents and children and they can have an open discussion or free chat with each other. Another benefit is that parents can provide an appropriate guidance to their children so as to keep them away from some negative materials which are overwhelming in the media nowadays. It is essential for children to grow up with their parents' guidance. To sum up, reading stories to children can enhance the intimacy between parents and children as well as provide some proper guidance, although letting children read by themselves can help them to build up their independence and acquire various knowledge from different channels.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
views on whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should read or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stories
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. From my point of view, this practice is more beneficial to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, although the opposite view does have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantages.

It is undeniable that letting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
read books by themselves would cultivate their independence. As they can explore the world of books by themselves, there is no restriction to their mind.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
can build up the ability of independent thinking in this way.
Besides
, more broaden information is available for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
by this practice. Books, movies, TV have various information and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
valuable knowledge. It is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
way for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to accumulate this knowledge with entertainment ways as they won't feel any pressure on it.

Despite above argument, the way of sharing or reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stories
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
has more distinctive benefits.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
can enhance the relationship with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
For example
, the time spent on reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stories
together is memorable and meaningful to both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
children and
they can have an open discussion or free chat with each other. Another benefit is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can provide an appropriate guidance to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
them away from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
materials which are overwhelming in the media nowadays. It is essential for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to grow up with their parents' guidance.

To sum up, reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stories
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can enhance the intimacy between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
as well
as provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
proper guidance, although letting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
read by themselves can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to build up their independence and acquire various knowledge from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
channels.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people prefer to read and tell stories to their children and regard it as a good opportunity to establish a stronger parent-child relationship. Others, however, think that parents do not need to do that and children should read books, watch TV and movies by themselves. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
267 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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