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A nation should require all of its students to study the same national curriculum until they enter college. v.1

A nation should require all of its students to study the same national curriculum until they enter college. v. 1
It is the belief of a few people that, in order to succeed in playing sports one must possess a natural instinct while others are of the opinion that working hard and training is the key to success. In the following paragraph i intend to put forth both arguments to support my views followed by my own opinion. Firstly, professional sports players are born with good reflexes, this not only helps them play sports better but also to learn fast. Naturally, Some individuals perform better at football because of their ability to run faster and have good stamina. Similarly, people who swim in Olympic games have a natural tendency to hold their breath under water for a longer time which is essential for good swimmers. On the other hand, Hard work and continues practice also plays a vital role in sharpening skills of players. One of the most famous and successful boxers of all times Mohammad Ali won the world championship by dedication to regular practice. Additionally, some sports do not require natural ability, such as, running, motor racing. These kind of sports need to be improved by hard work. My opinion is that to be a winner in sports, one has to be blessed with both hard work and abilities. Obviously, having the natural expertise in a sport will give some leverage, but to be successful practicing is the key. To conclude, Some sports may demand the natural skills to win. Alternatively, other require simple dedication to practice the sport. It all depends on the nature of the sport and how it's played.
It is the belief of a few
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that, in order to succeed in playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
possess a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
instinct while others are of the opinion that working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
and training is the key to success. In the following paragraph
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
intend to put forth both arguments to support my views followed by my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
opinion.

Firstly
, professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
players
are born
with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
reflexes, this not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
better
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
to learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
.
Naturally
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
individuals perform better at football
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their ability to run faster and have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
stamina.
Similarly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who swim in
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
Olympic games
have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
tendency to hold their breath under water for a longer time which is essential for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
swimmers.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Hard
work and continues practice
also
plays a vital role in sharpening
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
of players. One of the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
and successful boxers of all times Mohammad Ali won the world championship by dedication to regular practice.
Additionally
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
do not require
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
ability, such as, running, motor racing.
Did you mean "this kind" or "These kinds"?
These kind
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
need to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
work.

My opinion is that to be a winner in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, one
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be blessed
with both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
work and abilities.
Obviously
, having the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
expertise in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
will give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
leverage,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
to be successful practicing is the key.

To conclude
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
may demand the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
to win.
Alternatively
, other require simple dedication to practice the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
. It all depends on the nature of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
and how it's played.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay A nation should require all of its students to study the same national curriculum until they enter college. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
264 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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