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Many people opine that a sense of competition in children helps them do better in life. Others refute this point of view and say that children should be co-operative to learn more and to become better persons in the future. v.1

Many people opine that a sense of competition in children helps them do better in life. Others refute this point of view and say that children should be co-operative to learn more and to become better persons in the future. v. 1
Some people view the world as a competitive place and push their children to win. Others, however, value cooperation and encourage their children to share, play and work together. In this essay, I will ask if winning always means that the others loose, and whether teaching our children to win is the best preparation for life. Competition is undoubtedly good. First of all, it pushes us to do well, both as children and adults. Our physical limits are tested in competitive sports. Competition in business helps companies to produce new products and services, and competition in politics ensures that different opinions get heard and represented. For children, learning to compete is good preparation for the world. A second point is that competition does not just mean winning: children have to learn to lose well and to learn from their mistakes. In addition, competition does not just mean success for the individual. When competing as part of a team children learn the need to share and cooperate. However, a focus on competitiveness is not always beneficial for children. To begin with, very young children are naturally egocentric. As a result, they have to learn that there are others around them. Children have to be taught the skills of cooperation and sharing. A further point is that by learning to cooperate and work in teams, children learn to share responsibility when things go badly as well as when they go well. Finally, in our highly interdependent knowledge society, very few breakthroughs happen as a result of one person's work or ideas. No matter how brilliant an individual is, his or her work is the result of working in a team or a community. In fact, many people now believe that all learning is social, rather than individual. In conclusion, it is almost impossible to separate these two strands of our lives. We are individuals and we need to develop a "win-win" attitude. We need to be true to ourselves and what we need, but also to think about the other person's needs. If we can help our children to do this, we will be doing future generations a huge service.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
view the world as a competitive place and push their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to win. Others,
however
, value cooperation and encourage their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to share, play and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
together. In this essay, I will ask if winning always means that the others loose, and whether teaching our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to win is the best preparation for life.

Competition is
undoubtedly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it pushes us to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
, both as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and adults. Our physical limits are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tested
in competitive sports.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Competition
in business
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
to produce new products and services, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
in politics ensures that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
opinions
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
heard and represented. For
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, learning to compete is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
preparation for the world. A second point is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
does not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
mean winning:
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
to lose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
and to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
from their mistakes.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
does not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
mean success for the individual. When competing as part of a team
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "child"?
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to share and cooperate.

However
, a focus on competitiveness is not always beneficial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
naturally
egocentric.
As a result
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
that there are others around them.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be taught
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
of cooperation and sharing. A
further
point is that by learning to cooperate and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in teams,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
to share responsibility when things go
badly
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
as when they go
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
.
Finally
, in our
highly
interdependent knowledge society,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
few breakthroughs happen
as a result
of one person's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
. No matter how brilliant an individual is,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
is the result of working in a team or a community. In fact,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
believe that all learning is social,
rather
than individual.

In conclusion
, it is almost impossible to separate these two strands of our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. We are
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
individuals and
we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to develop a
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
win-win
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
attitude. We
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to be true to ourselves and what we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
person's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
. If we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to do this, we will be doing future generations a huge service.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
35Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people opine that a sense of competition in children helps them do better in life. Others refute this point of view and say that children should be co-operative to learn more and to become better persons in the future. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
358 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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