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Children today play very violent games. This must be the reason for the increase in violence and crime in most major cities of the world. v.6

Children today play very violent games. This must be the reason for the increase in violence and crime in most major cities of the world. v. 6
Crimes nowadays are more prevalent in all parts of the world. Clearly, the crime rates have increased over the years, as seen in the news and as shown in Statistics. Some believe that this is mainly due to the influence of violent games that the children played. In my opinion, violent games can have a big impact on a child's views, opinions and attitudes which could influence their decision making thus, making them more prone to commit misconduct. Online gaming is predominant these days. This is due to the availability and ease of access to computers. Violent games in this modern world are more dominant. Most children due to the influence of their peers are playing this type of games. As we can see, most people, especially after school, are being attracted to go online and compete with their friends on games like the craft of war, counter strike etc. These games are considered to be dangerous because they are showing a lot of violent stuff like killing, shooting by means of gun and rape. The violent games can play a major role in a child's overall being. Aggression and impatience can be a result of this kind of play which can be a major cause why people are becoming evil which leads them to commit crimes. An example we can site is the one that I recently saw on the news where a 10-year-old boy becomes addicted to counter strike and when his mother scolded him and stop him from playing the said game, he killed his mother. This instance illustrates how violent gaming can have a huge effect on increasing a child tendency to do an offence. In summary, we can say that violent these violent games have a detrimental effect on youth which can cause a rise in crime rates. Therefore, all parents should guide and monitor their springs. They should limit their child's exposure to this kind of stuff. Laws can also be implemented so that strict rules can be provided to decrease the exposure to these aggressive plays.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Crimes
nowadays are more prevalent in all parts of the world.
Clearly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rates have increased over the years, as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in the news and as shown in Statistics.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
believe that this is
mainly
due to the influence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
that the children played. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
can have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
impact on a child's views, opinions and attitudes which could influence their
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
decision making
thus
, making them more prone to commit misconduct.

Online gaming is predominant these days. This is due to the availability and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
of access to computers.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Violent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
in this modern world are more dominant. Most children due to the influence of their peers are playing this type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. As we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
, most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
especially
after school, are
being attracted
to go online and compete with their friends on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
like the craft of war,
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
counter strike
etc. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are considered
to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are showing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
stuff like killing, shooting by means of gun and rape.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
can play a major role in a child's
overall
being. Aggression and impatience can be a result of this kind of play which can be a major cause why
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are becoming evil which leads them to commit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
. An example we can site is the one that I recently
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
on the news where a 10-year-
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
boy becomes addicted to
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
counter strike
and when his mother scolded him and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
him from playing the said game, he killed his mother. This instance illustrates how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
gaming can have a huge effect on increasing a child tendency to do an
Possible spelling mistake. 'offence' is British English.
offence
.

In summary, we can say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
have a detrimental effect on youth which can cause a rise in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rates.
Therefore
, all parents should guide and monitor their springs. They should limit their child's exposure to this kind of stuff. Laws can
also
be implemented
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that strict
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
can
be provided
to decrease the exposure to these aggressive plays.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Children today play very violent games. This must be the reason for the increase in violence and crime in most major cities of the world. v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
343 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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