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Many people nowadays travel abroad for their university education. Why do people do this? Would you consider doing this yourself and why? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience v.2

Many people nowadays travel abroad for their university education. Why do people do this? Would you consider doing this yourself and why? 2
Studying in an abroad country has become fashion now. With each passing day there is augment in the people going foreign for higher studies. This essay will discuss why people choose to go abroad and provide evidence if I get a chance what are the reasons I will be going out the country for studies. To start with, studying in an international country has numerous benefits as it leads to a better prospective and career development. For instance, in foreign countries, people get hand to hand training which makes them experienced even before they graduate from university which ultimately leads to better job after graduating. Not this but also having a foreign degree opened various path for the students even after they go back to their respective countries they can easily get high rated jobs or even can do their own business. Therefore, people travel a long way for the studying as this study benefit them in the long run for their future career. Another advantage we share values and learn others culture and heritage and sometime even a new language. For example, at foreign universities there are people from all over the world which makes us learn their respective culture and language. Not this, but also it makes the person independent and they learn how to manage their own things and balance their life. Thus, it is good for overall development of one's personality. At last, if I get a chance to go to my high education I will definitely go as I want to do mu business in future. To conclude, though it's not easy to live alone, but for a better future and learn new things and to become independent one must never miss the opportunity for going abroad for studying.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Studying
in an abroad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
has become fashion
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
. With each passing day there is
Consider using a past participle here: "augmented".
augment
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
going
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
for higher studies. This essay will discuss why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
choose to go abroad and provide evidence if I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a chance what are the reasons I will be going out the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
for studies.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
in an international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
has numerous benefits as it leads to a better prospective and career development.
For instance
, in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
'hand to hand' seems to be a compound adjective in front of a noun. Use a hyphen: "hand-to-hand".
hand to hand
training which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them experienced even
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
they graduate from university which
ultimately
leads to better job after graduating. Not this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
degree opened various path for the students even after they go back to their respective
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
they can
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
high rated jobs or even can do their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
business.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
travel a long way for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
as this study benefit them in the long run for their future career.

Another advantage we share values and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
others culture and heritage and sometime even a new language.
For example
, at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
universities there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from all over the world which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
us
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
their respective culture and language. Not this,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the person
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
independent and
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
how to manage their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
things and balance their life.
Thus
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for
overall
development of one's personality. At last, if I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a chance to go to my high education I will definitely go as I want to do mu business
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
.

To conclude
, though it's not easy to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
alone,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
for a better future and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
new things and to become independent one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
never miss the opportunity for going abroad for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
The most intimate temper of a people, its deepest soul, is above all in its language.
Jules Michelet

IELTS essay Many people nowadays travel abroad for their university education. Why do people do this? Would you consider doing this yourself and why? 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
294 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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