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Many people nowadays travel abroad for their university education. Why do people do this? Would you consider doing this yourself and why? v.1

Many people nowadays travel abroad for their university education. Why do people do this? Would you consider doing this yourself and why? v. 1
In recent times, it has become routine for high school graduates to travel abroad for their higher studies. There are numerous positive aspects to study in a foreign country, such as the discovery of new cultures, the possibility of learning more about oneself and the chance of learning a new language. I would take this option if, I ever had a chance to explore myself in different situations. However, By travelling to a foreign country, it is certain that one will be confronted with foreign customs and traditions. Experiencing and understanding these customs and their origins provides students with an interesting chance to develop a more open-minded attitude towards others. Additionally, it is also extremely stimulating to know more about the reasons behind certain traditions and practices. Firstly, A prime reason for students studying abroad is the prospect of finding oneself and growing as an individual. When living in a foreign country, students have to become increasingly independent and they are confronted with their strengths and weaknesses. Typically, students develop increased self-esteem and also acquire or improve upon their skills of housekeeping and cooking, which are important for living independently later on in life. Secondly, When living in a foreign country, students are exposed to a new language and in most cases attempt to learn it. If they already possess some knowledge about the language, they have the possibility of advancing and improving upon these skills with the native population. The ability to speak multiple languages offers students a higher chance of being successful on the international job market, which makes studying abroad an attractive choice. So personally, I would like to study abroad in either Scotland or France, because I would like to experience the life and customs in these countries. Additionally, I would like to become more fluent in French, as I believe this will be beneficial for me later in life. In conclusion, studying abroad offers the possibility for students to grow and develop as individuals and to acquire valuable skills that will be useful in adult life.
In recent times, it has become routine for high school graduates to travel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
for their higher studies. There are numerous
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
aspects to study in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, such as the discovery of new cultures, the possibility of learning more about oneself and the chance of learning a new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
. I would take this option if, I ever had a chance to explore myself in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
situations.

However
, By travelling to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, it is certain that one will
be confronted
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
customs and traditions. Experiencing and understanding these customs and their origins provides
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
with an interesting chance to develop a more open-minded attitude towards others.
Additionally
, it is
also
extremely
stimulating to know more about the reasons behind certain traditions and practices.

Firstly
, A prime reason for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
is the prospect of finding oneself and growing as an individual. When living in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
become
increasingly
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
independent and
they
are confronted
with their strengths and weaknesses.
Typically
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
develop increased self-esteem and
also
acquire or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
upon their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
of housekeeping and cooking, which are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for living
independently
later on in life.

Secondly
, When living in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are exposed
to a new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
and
in most cases
attempt to learn it. If they already possess
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
knowledge about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
, they have the possibility of advancing and improving upon these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
with the native population. The ability to speak multiple
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
offers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
a higher chance of being successful on the international job market, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
an attractive choice.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
personally
, I would like to study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
in either Scotland or France,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I would like to experience the life and customs in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
Additionally
, I would like to become more fluent in French, as I believe this will be beneficial for me later in life.

In conclusion
, studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
offers the possibility for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to grow and develop as individuals and to acquire valuable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
that will be useful in adult life.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Many people nowadays travel abroad for their university education. Why do people do this? Would you consider doing this yourself and why? v. 1

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
341 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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