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Some people believe that reading stories from a book is better than watching tv or playing computer games for children. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.7

Some people believe that reading stories from a book is better than watching tv or playing computer games for children. v. 7
Even in this techno-savvy era, reading a book is also playing an imperative role in everyone's lives. It is considered by some individuals that adolescence may be remain active if they prefer books than a computer or tv to be enjoyable. Withstanding, I am in accord with this ascertain. Thus, this essay will elucidate the arguments in favour of my stance with a logical conclusion. There are myriad factors which support the thought that reading different kind of books have enormous benefits to children. Firstly, the children who usually read story books in their spare time can be active as it involves more concentration. In a resulting they can enhance the imagination, skill as they have to imagine the character of the story by reading with concentration. Furthermore, the second most significant pros are communication skill. By this I mean that adolescence can fully understand what does information trying to say so, their communication artistry will rise exponentially. consequently, as reading a book has not involved any bright light and pictures, it helps to grownups to prevent physical harm such as eye will not get such a difficulty. On the flip side, some group of people opposes to the statement by saying that technological gadgets such as computers and television also mould children into better ways. Because it helps to indulge an intellectual artistry nimbleness and make children techno-savvy. However, I would say they might be suffering from obesity by watching tv and playing games for a very long hour, also, loosing interaction accomplishment. To recapitulate, I reiterated my opinion by saying that despite of technology has advantageous like improve intellectual ingenuity as well make child techno-savvy, I would say they can enhance the mastery such as communication, imagination, concentration once they started reading various description books as a leisure activity.
Even in this techno-savvy era,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
book
is
also
playing an imperative role in everyone's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

It
is considered
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals that adolescence may be
Consider using the past participle "remained"?
remain
active if they prefer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
than a computer or
Possible spelling mistake found.
tv
to be enjoyable. Withstanding, I am in accord with this ascertain.
Thus
, this essay will elucidate the arguments in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of my stance with a logical conclusion.

There are myriad factors which support the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
have enormous benefits to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Firstly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who
usually
read story
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
in their spare time can be active as it involves more concentration. In a resulting they can enhance the imagination,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
as they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
imagine the character of the story by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
with concentration.

Furthermore
, the second most significant pros are communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
. By this I mean that adolescence can
fully
understand what does information trying to say
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, their communication artistry will rise
exponentially
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
consequently
, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
book
has not involved any bright light and pictures, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to grownups to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
physical harm such as eye will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
such a difficulty.

On the flip side,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
group of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
opposes to the statement by saying that technological gadgets such as computers and television
also
Possible spelling mistake. 'mould' is British English.
mould
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
into better ways.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to indulge an intellectual artistry nimbleness and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
techno-savvy.
However
, I would say they might be suffering from obesity by watching
Possible spelling mistake found.
tv
and playing games for a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
long hour,
also
, loosing interaction accomplishment.

To recapitulate, I reiterated my opinion by saying that
Did you mean "despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
despite of
technology has advantageous like
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
intellectual ingenuity
as well
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
child techno-savvy, I would say they can enhance the mastery such as communication, imagination, concentration once they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
various description
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
as a leisure activity.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that reading stories from a book is better than watching tv or playing computer games for children. v. 7

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
301 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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