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Many people nowadays do not feel safe either when they are at home or go out What are the reasons and what to do to solve this problem v.2

Many people nowadays do not feel safe either when they are at home or go out What are the reasons and what to do to solve this problem v. 2
We have witnessed people do not feel safety in this rapid advancement of modern society. In this essay, I will look into causes for this phenomenon and provide possible solutions. There are certainly some reasons why people feel dangerous when stay at home or go out. One such reasons is that level of crime rate is relatively high. The declining economy and stock market are forcing employers to dismiss their employees. Under such circumstances, many employees are hardly find a new job and have no choice but commit crime such as stealing and robbing. Another reason is deteriorating environment. By using automatic production lines to produce more products, manufactures usually release large amount of smoke. Local people, who stays at home, will naturally feel there is a risk of developing disease such as lung cancer. Fortunately, there are some possible solutions. One of the possible solutions is the government can provide the jobless some allowance. By simply providing allowance via Centrelink, laid off workers and employees are able to afford daily essentials, which, will significantly decrease the possibility of committing crimes. Apart from this, punishment must be imposed on manufactures who ignore social responsibility. The enactment and enforcement law definitely serve some purpose because they have deterrent effects. In order not to be fined, manufactures will deter irresponsibility practices and the cost of damaging on environment. In conclusion, although there are many factors that cause people feel unsafe at home or outdoor, the government is in the best position to solve these problems.
We have witnessed
people
do not
feel
safety in this rapid advancement of modern society. In this essay, I will look into causes for this phenomenon and provide possible solutions.

There are
certainly
some
reasons why
people
feel
dangerous
when stay at home or go out. One such reasons is that level of crime rate is
relatively
high. The declining economy and stock market are forcing employers to dismiss their employees. Under such circumstances,
many
employees are hardly
find
a new job and have no choice
but
commit crime such as stealing and robbing. Another reason is deteriorating environment. By using automatic production lines to produce more products, manufactures
usually
release large amount of smoke. Local
people
, who stays at home, will
naturally
feel
there is a
risk
of developing disease such as lung cancer.

Fortunately
, there are
some
possible solutions. One of the possible solutions is the
government
can provide the jobless
some
allowance. By
simply
providing allowance via
Centrelink
, laid off workers and employees are able to afford daily essentials, which, will
significantly
decrease the possibility of committing crimes. Apart from this, punishment
must
be imposed
on manufactures who
ignore
social responsibility. The enactment and enforcement law definitely serve
some
purpose
because
they have deterrent effects. In order not to
be fined
, manufactures will deter irresponsibility practices and the cost of damaging on environment.

In conclusion
, although there are
many
factors that cause
people
feel
unsafe at home or outdoor, the
government
is in the best position to solve these problems.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people nowadays do not feel safe either when they are at home or go out What are the reasons and what to do to solve this problem v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
253 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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